Mad People
by mariXwic32
Summary: A new and improved version of Mad People. This time there's more action, less skipping and more shouting, more wierdness and way more sweetness included! Enjoy yourself and you delve into the lives of Akiri and her four friends, who are each just as crazy as she is! What happens when something big happens that could ruin the human world? Rated M.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: An unexpected beginning

**A/N: Hi, I've decided to recreate the Mad People series with new characters and more madness than ever before.**

**I hope you enjoy it, because I sure did when I wrote all the chapters!**

**Enjoy and review!**

Hello, welcome to the newly found game manufacturing company, BCorp Games. This company was founded by a tall girl and her four friends, apparently bored of other games, so they decided to develop their own games.

They downloaded all the programs needed and bought all the technology required. The business has been flourishing for a while, thanks to the owner of the place.

This girls name is Akiri.

We skip to about the age of 17, when Akiri has decided to develop a new RPG game called Out and In. Along with her sister, Karo and her other friends, Wolfey, Sebastian and Umbra, they have decided to make it the scariest game ever, worse than Outlast, and weirder than any medieval game you could think of.

So, while constructing the characters from the story, late that evening, strange things started happening. But first, let me give a description on the characters.

Akiri 'Kiki' Drackon, age 17, streaked ash blonde and black hair (waist length), dark brown eyes. She's the tallest of the group and the butch of our Mad People, always gets into fights with people and dresses in loose pants that hang halfway down her backside with a loose shirt and sneakers. Her favorite phrase is 'oh god dammit...'. She likes feathers and always wears some sort of feathery ornament on herself.

Wolf-Haley 'Wolfey' Eaton, age 19, straight streaked black and purple hair (butt length) styled emo and light brown and dark green eyes. The smiley one of our group of madmen, always has a smile plastered on her face and makes anyone happy with her cheerful personality. She dresses in leather tights and knee height boots with any random shirt and her favorite jacket with wolf ears on the hood. Her favorite phrase is 'Call me Wolfey... It turns me on'. She likes wolves and is usually seen with wolf ears or a tail.

Karo 'Baby-Cakes' Drackon, age 16, dark brown/ blackish hair (shoulder length), dark brown eyes. The bitch of our group of madmen, has the notion to randomly bitch about things and swear at people. She wears jeans, any length, with tight shirts and sandals. Her favorite phrase is 'So?'. She likes books and is always seen with a book in hand to hit someone with.

Sebastian 'Sexy Eyes' Carlton, age 20, brownish red hair and green eyes, not well built, but getting there. He's the gentleman of this group of madmen and likes to impress girls, but fails dramatically as Akiri calls him lame. He wears any neat, button down shirt with short sleeves and denim jeans. His favorite phrase is 'Please?" He likes girls.

Umbra 'Shadow' Bellissima, age 20, black hair (spiky) and pale blue eyes. Well built. He's the silent one of the group and always hangs around with Akiri. He mostly wears dark colors, but would occasionally wear something bright. He wears baggy pants, a loose shirt and sneakers. His favorite phrase is '…' and he likes Akiri and gemstones and crystals.

Now that we have our band of lunatics, we can start the story.

Akiri grabbed hold of her younger sister, who is slightly a few centimeters shorter than her, probably a head and a half shorter. "You ass, why didn't you remind me of the milk?!" She yelled, shaking Karo wildly.

"I didn't remember!" Karo yelled as Akiri turned on her heel, grabbed the car keys and dragged both her and Umbra out to the car.

"You idiot! Let's go, before Wolfey wants a cuppa. "

"Cuppa what?" Umbra asked, more to himself. Akiri slammed the driver's door shut.

"Hot chocolate. You know how that girl gets when she doesn't get her hot chocolate." Akiri said and sped them off to the supermarket.

Meanwhile, inside the building, in a rather stuffed-full-of-wolfey-things room, Wolf-Haley yawned and stood up to get herself a cup of hot chocolate. It was around time for her sixth cup that evening, so she was really looking forward to it.

As Wolfey opened the fridge door, she froze. A face of horror appeared and she stormed around the place. Her shouting caught Sebastian's attention and he gracefully skipped over to her. "Who is the damsel in distress?" He sang.

"THERE'S NO MILK!" Wolfey cried, latching on to Sebastian and wailing.

"Wait, where's the others?" Sebastian asked, looking around.

Akiri raced back to the company building at top speed, Karo sticking to the back seat and Umbra enjoying the speed.

They arrived not long after, which would be three seconds later, with Akiri screeching to a halt and narrowly missing the security guard by a mere three inches. The black security guard 'who looks like Martin Lawrence' shat himself and jumped out of the way and ran into the guard house. Akiri got out of the car and dashed upstairs to find Wolfey sobbing like mad.

"Hey Wolfey, milkies!" Karo squeaked.

Wolfey jumped up, grabbed the milk and ran off to make her hot chocolate. Akiri sighed and wiped her forehead. She then walked off to her office, Umbra following close behind, Sebastian glaring daggers at Umbra because of jealousy.

Akiri plopped down in her seat and sighed. "Time?"

"5 minutes." Umbra chimed.

"Damn, that was good." Akiri said, astounded at her new time record.

Then there was a loud crash. Akiri jumped up from her seat and grabbed her club, which was always a hands grasp away when needed. There was a grunt. Akiri lunged forward and swung her steel club, hitting someone's skull. There was a loud clunk and the intruder dropped to the floor.

When Akiri looked down she saw something unexpected. "Is that a cosplayer?" Umbra asked. Akiri shrugged and tugged at the silver hair. It didn't come off.

"Well, either its a really good cosplayer, or its the real deal. And if it is... OH MY FUCKING GOD, I KILLED KAKASHI!" Akiri screamed.

Within seconds, Karo, Sebastian and Wolfey with her hot chocolate filed into the room to see what the commotion was.

There he lay, whether he was alive or not, the real Kakashi Hatake.

Akiri fell down in her seat, burying her head in her hands, Umbra comforted her by patting her back.

There was a groan. Akiri squeaked and looked up. "OH MY GOD ITS ALIVE! KILL IT!" She barked and lunged at Kakashi again, with fail. Umbra had grabbed her by her collar and held her there.

Kakashi sat up. "Where... Where am I?" He asked.

Wolfey leaned in, stared at him and then leaned back. Karo on the other hand wanted to be a bitch, because she grabbed Wolfeys mug and drenched Kakashi in hit chocolate.

Shocked silence followed, before Wolfey threw herself at Sebastian, sobbing loudly.

Karo cackled with laughter and poor Sebastian's ears were being cried off.

"ENOUGH!" Akiri barked, glaring at them. She turned to Kakashi, who was staring at Akiri in shock. "Are you the real Kakashi Hatake?" She asked.

Kakashi nodded.

"How do I know you're telling the truth?" Akiri asked, narrowing her eyes. Karo caught her eye and she smiled. "Sharingan that bitch's ass for spilling Wolfey's hot chocolate." She pointed at Karo.

Karo didn't know anything and was staring at Kakashi, tryng to figure something out.

And as Akiri requested, Karo was soon sprawling on the floor, asleep. "Okay, I believe you." Akiri sat down again.

"How did you get here?" Sebastian asked.

Kakashi shrugged. "I don't know. I remember being on a mission, and then being sucked into some swirly thingy." He said.

Silence. Akiri turned to Umbra. They had some or other silent conversation as they stared at each other then turned back to Kakashi.

"We're in some deep shit." Akiri said. Umbra nodded. "I need some time to figure this out, Sebastian, get Wolfey and Karo outta here now." She ordered.

Sebastian whined slightly and then dragged Woldey and Karo out. Akiri sighed when the door closed. She then stood up and paced to the window. Umbra covered his ears on instinct.

"FUCK!" Akiri screamed, the sound reverberating on the walls, shattering the window. A cool night breeze entered the office. Akiri turned to Kakashi, the breeze blowing through her hair, making her look abselutely pretty. "How the fuck am I supposed to get you back to your world?" She questioned.

"Wait? I'm not in my world?" Kakashi asked.

"Well duh. What did you think?" Akiri mused, plopping down in her chair, staring up at the ceiling.

After a few minutes consideration, she turned to Umbra. "Yes?" He asked softly.

"This will take a while, we'll have to find somewhere for him to sleep." Akiri said.

"Couch?" Umbra asked. Akiri nodded and turned to Kakashi.

"As from this moment, you behave like a normal human would, you will not go out of this building, no matter what, you will also remind everyone except Wolfey to get milk. And get a bath, you're covered in chocolate." Akiri said. "SEBASTIAN!"

No response.

"SEXY EYES!" Akiri called again. Sebastian danced into the room.

"Yes my beloved Kiki?" He sang.

"Show Kakashi to the bathroom, then show him around the place and then tell everyone lights out in half an hour." Akiri ordered.

Sebastian's mood downed and he led Kakashi out.

To make things simple, the company building was Akiri's house, which they coverted into a computer lab. The livingroom is the computer room. There are a whole lot of adjustments to various areas of the house, even extensions.

Akiri stood up, followed by Umbra. They walked out of the office, turning off the lights, and went up to Akiri's room on the top floor which only had Akiri's room and a bathroom.

Sebastian wasn't very enthusiastic as he left Kakashi in one of the second floor bathrooms and then went to tell the other two about lights out. Well, only one actually, he had already dragged Karo to her room. "Hey, Wolfey, Kiki said lights out in thirty minutes."

"Dammit! Okay..." Wolfey shut her computer off and went to shower.

"Sebastian!" Akiri called. "Kakashi sleeps in the guest bedroom!" She yelled.

"Right!" Sebastian replied before switching all the downstairs lights off.

Akiri sighed and went to her bathroom. Umbra, knowing the routine, waited in the bedroom for Akiri to finish before he went to shower.

Wolfey sighed and plopped down on her bed, pulling out her bong. She lit it and took a long drag. She then held the smoke in for a while before bursting out in a coughing fit.

Afterwards, about half an hour later, Wolfey was showered, as well as everyone else. Sebastian showed Kakashi to his room and then sauntered off to his own.

Akiri called lights off and every light was switched off.

There was silence in every room. Karo was fast asleep on her bed under her blanket, Wolfey was grinning stupidly while staring up at the ceiling, as high as a kite, Sebastian was listening to music in his earphones, Akiri lay in her bed, drifting off to sleep with Umbra beside her, curled in a ball with his head on her stomach, as usual, and Kakashi was rethinking the events that led up to his arrival in this world.

Nothing seemed to make sense. As if everything and everyone was mad. Kakashi shrugged and drifted off to sleep.

**So that's it! Chapter one! All ready to go!**

**Review and you'll get chapter 2 abselutely free! But only if you review...**

**I want at least two reviews before I post chapter 2. Its already written, I'm just waiting for reviews!**

**So review!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Because I said so!

**A/N: Okay, so this is chapter two, which I have posted hopefully after I got two reviews for chapter 1. If not, and its a month later, then I'll be happy to advise everyone who just viewed the story to not look in the mirror from now on, because I'll be waiting for you, then I'll kill you.**

**Thank you, however, for the reviews from ashveer and Morial Otaku! I feel so HONOURED! T_T! I really hope to get more reviews soon!**

**Anyways, after that threat, I'm sure I'll get some reviews. **

**Enjoy this chapter and review!**

**Disclaimer: I think we get the point with the disclaimers already!**

The early morning sun beat its shiny rays of ass in Akiri's face. She opened one of her eyes and groaned. Umbra walked into the room with a cup of coffee. "Thanks." Akiri said and took her mug from Umbra.

Umbra then sat down at the foot of the bed and sipped at his own coffee. Akiri sat up and started drinking her coffee. Silence passed between the two for a few moments.

"Kakashi still here?" Akiri asked. Umbra nodded. "Damn, and here I thought it was a dream..." Akiri chuckled. "But seriously, we need to figure out a way to get Kakashi back to his world before anything else gets out of hand."

There was a crash downstairs followed by Wolfey's screaming and a few loud bangs. "Like that?" Umbra asked.

Akiri sighed. "Exactly like that." Sebastian burst into Akiri's room. "OUT!" Akiri barked.

"But-"

"OUT!" She barked again, sounding dangerously threatening. Sebastian sighed and closed the door.

He went back downstairs. "Hey, Kiki says to cool it." He said.

Wolfey glared at Karo then slapped her butt down on one of the chairs, sipping viciously at her hot chocolate. She had her wolf ear aliceband on.

Kakashi, awoken by the disturbingly loud noises from the kitchen, walked into the kitchen to find a broken mug on the counter. "Don't ask." Sebastian said after Kakashi had been staring at it for some time.

Sebastian then proceeded to drink his own coffee in silence. The silence then turned treaturously silent, so he left to continue working on his project.

Karo and Wolfey glared at each other from the top of their mugs, both intent on killing each other. Kakashi had made himself coffee and was walking around the rather large house. He found the computer room, which he found akward because he had never seen anything like a computer before.

Sebastian was seated at one of the strange boxes, busy typing on a keyboard. "What are you doing?" Kakashi asked.

"Working on a game." Sebastian said bluntly.

There was a sudden thud from upstairs. All heads downstairs looked up. Sebastian left his computer and then sped up the stairs at top speed. He burst into Akiri's room to find Akiri on her knees, clutching her head. Umbra couldn't do anything, apparently, as he stared in shock at Akiri.

Soon after Sebastian's arrival, Wolfey, Karo and Kakashi appeared as well. Akiri stopped clutching at her head and panted, eyes wide, staring at the carpet.

She then grabbed her stomach, lurched up and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door shut. Akiri then wretched up everything that was in her stomach.

Wolfey ducked out of the room, apparently to find something, because she just had that look of 'thinking' on her face.

More sounds of throwing up came from the bathroom. Karo gagged and ran out of the room at top speed, not wanting to vomit.

Umbra sighed and walked over to the bathroom. He knocked on the door. "Kiki? You okay?" He asked. More vomiting was all reply he could get.

Wolfey returned with her bong in hand. "What's that?" Kakashi asked. Wolfey narrowed her eyes at him and then skipped to the bathroom. She knocked.

"Hey, Kiki? After you've barfed your lungs out, you'll want to come get them back. You'll want to smoke some when you're done, okay?" She called.

"Wolfey, you're nuts." Sebastian said.

"Thanks, I'll take that as a compliment." Wolfey stuck her tongue out at him.

The toilet flushed and then Akiri brushed her teeth. She then opened the door, looking extremely pale. She looked at Wolfey then nodded and sat down on her bed. Wolfey handed her her didgeridoo and her lighter.

Akiri lit the bong and inhaled deeply. After a few moments' pause, she then burst out coughing. Wolfey grinned and took a drag from the bong herself.

Sebastian rolled his eyes and left. Umbra perched himself on the bed. Kakashi stood and watched the two girls smoke something that smelled funny.

Not a mere two seconds later, there was a crash downstairs, followed by Karo screaming in terror and Sebastian's cocky singing. Afterwards, Sebastian returned to Akiri's room, followed by a dragged persons (this is meant to be written like that) and then Karo, looking completely scared to death.

Akiri lifted her head to look at the intrusion. "Oh, look, its duck-butt." She giggled. Wolfey chimed in with the giggling. Kakashi couldn't understand why they were laughing at Sasuke and Naruto. It could possibly be because they were unconcious?

Sebastian sighed. "After you two giggle-fishes-" he was cut short when Akiri and Wolfey burst into loud and obnoxious laughter. Sebastian sighed yet again, this time raising his voice. "After you two have giggled!" He shouted, sounding stupid, which caused more hysterical laughter from Wolfey and Akiri.

Umbra chuckled. "Give it up, you're sounding like an idiot." He said.

"Oh my god! It speaks!" Sebastian shouted in shock. Akiri and Wolfey clutched at their sides, rolling around on the large bed. Akiri kicked the air while Wolfey slammed her fist on the matress.

Umbra rolled his eyes at Sebastian, who glared at him for a few seconds before leaving the room without Sasuke and Naruto. Karo dashed out of the room.

"Why are they laughing?" Kakashi asked.

"They're high." Umbra replied, staring at Akiri. "You'll see. Soon they'll be extremely hungry and start eating a lot."

Kakashi stared at the black haired man. "Why?"

"Munchies!" Wolfey and Akiri shouted in unison, jumping up and dashing out of the room.

"See?" Umbra stood up and followed them both downstairs. Kakashi was left with Sasuke and Naruto, who were still fast asleep.

He sighed and carried them downstairs. Kakashi froze when he saw Akiri and Wolfey sitting on the counter, a heap of food stacked between them. They were busy eating away at the food.

"See?" Umbra pointed to them. "That's the side effects of marijuana." He said.

"Marijuana?" Kakashi questioned, dropping the two boys. Sasuke landed on his head with a thud and Naruto fell on his stomach. Akiri and Wolfey both saw this and burst out laughing again, unable to contain themselves.

Sasuke, having landed on his head, jerked awake and jumped up, looking around. There was a large bump on the top of his head.

All he saw was two girls on a counter, laughing their asses off, a pile of food between them, a guy in a chair, Kakashi and Naruto fast asleep on the floor.

"Hey! I have an idea!" Akiri squeaked girlishly. She then jumped from the counter and approached Sasuke, who shat himself, showing no emotion whatsoever, just glared at the girl. Akiri poked Sasuke's cheek. "Oohh! Its so cute!" She squealed.

Wolfey burst out laughing. Karo walked into the kitchen, saw Akiri and Wolfey and then walked straight out again without saying a word.

Akiri kept poking Sasuke. That is until Sasuke tried to bite her finger off. "Hey... Don't be so mean..." Akiri pouted. "I'm sure your brother wouldn't mind if I poked him." Wolfey and Umbra burst out laughing.

"What?!" Sasuke looked around for his older brother.

Akiri rolled her eyes and jumped back on the counter. "Hey, Sebastian!" Akiri barked.

"What?" Came the reply from the computer room.

"Go get us some MC Donalds!" Akiri shouted.

"Why me?"

"Because I said so!" Akiri yelled.

"Aren't you eating enough already?" Sebastian asked, getting pretty frustrated.

"Just fucking do it, dammit!" Wolfey shouted.

There was a grumble, a chair scraping against the floor, car keys jingling, the front door slamming and then the sound of a car driving away. Akiri and Wolfey were practically almost finished chowing down on the mountain of food on the counter.

"Hey, Kak-shit-she." Akiri said between bites of an apple. "Could you wake the brat up?"

"Yeah, you know the rules." Wolfey added. "No one sleeps elsewhere except in a bedroom."

Kakashi stared at the girls. "Now would be a good time!" Akiri rolled her eyes, taking a rather large bite of a banana, making it look extremely seductive. Kakashi gulped and then nudged Naruto with his foot.

Naruto didn't stir. Umbra sighed and then grabbed the kettle, pouring hot water over Naruto's head.

This sent Uzumaki Naruto flying up, wailing in pain and clutching his head. Akiri giggled and Wolfey brust out laughing.

Umbra shrugged and returned the kettle on the counter.

**Shame... Poor Naruto... Well, that's what he gets for sleeping overtime!**

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed and review so I can know if this version of Mad People is better than the first one!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Cannit

**Good morning everyone! I present to you chapter 3 with lots of love!**

**Thanks for the reviews guys! I even "SQUEED!" Thank you very much! I've never gotten much reviews telling me that a person wet themselves... But anyway, I'm still "SQUEEING!"**

**Enjoy and review!**

**Disclaimer: fuck off, I aint doing it! Because we all know fanfiction doesn't give anyone credit, ffffffffs!**

Sebastian returned from his shopping expadition at MC Donalds to find Wolfey lounging lazily in the lounge, giggling way too much whilst munching slowly on a bag of peanuts, Karo glaring at Wolfey, Kakashi completely confused out of his mind, Sasuke looking quite unhappy being in the same room as Naruto and Naruto looking like an idiot.

Akiri and Umbra were missing, so Sebastian took it that they were busy sorting something out.

Which turned out to be false as they all heard moaning coming from upstairs. Karo rolled her eyes, Wolfey burst out laughing, the three ninjas stared in shock at the ceiling and Sebastian lost his noodle. He stormed upstairs and burst into the room to find Umbra massaging Akiri's neck.

Sebastian's eyes narrowed. "You've got to be kidding me." He mumbled.

"OUT!" Akiri barked. Sebastian pissed off, closing the door behind him and went to the kitchen. Karo entered the kitchen, followed my a hysterical Wolfey.

"Yay! MC Donalds!" Wolfey cheered and snatched the bag from Sebastian.

Naruto entered just as Wolfey opened a burger. "Whazzat?" He asked, curious. Wolfey grinned, took a bite and shoved the rest of the rather small burger in Naruto's gaping mouth.

The poor blonde idiot almost suffocated, but he collected himself and chewed. After chewing and swallowing, he grinned stupidly.

"What is it?" He asked.

"A burger!" Wolfey squeaked, jumping up and down.

"Thank you," Akiri said, grabbing the packet and leaving them in shocked silence. She then continued to lock herself in her room with Umbra.

Wolfey stared open mouthed at the spot where the MC Donalds packet was just a mere three seconds ago. She then jumped up, grabbed Sebastian and Naruto and dragged them upstairs, where she persisted with continuous, hard knocking on Akiri's door.

Akiri, however, ignored the knocking and she and Umbra started eating the full MC Donalds meal that was supposed to be for ten people.

"HEY BITCH! OPEN UP!" Wolfey cried, banging loudly on the door. The banging got even louder after a slight pause, where Karo questioned Wolfey what she was up to and then joined in.

Akiri kept ignoring them and continued to eat the meal. Umbra started sniggering as did Akiri. They finished all ten burgers, all ten packets of chips, six of the cooldrinks and then they threw the empty packet away, stacking the remaining four cooldrinks in Akiri's cupboard. Akiri then opened the door, which was still being banged on. Wolfey and Karo fell flawlessly onto the floor, Wolfey crushed Karo's hand under her foot as she lunged up and attacked Akiri with the best audible swearing ever.

Akiri shrugged and went into the bathroom, followed by the ever silent and ever present with Akiri, Umbra. Sebastian, having recovered from his burst eardrums, stormed over to the door and started banging on the bathroom door, shouting curses at Umbra. As you can see, Sebastian is rather jealous of Umbra being able to stay by Akiri's side the whole time.

Akiri cackled with laughter from inside the bathroom. The door flung open and Sebastian faceplanted on the cold, black floor of Akiri's dark bathroom. Akiri emerged, stared down at Sebastian and then waltzed out of the room, ignoring Wolfey's ranting, Karo's cries of pain whilst gripping her hand and Sebastian's threats to Umbra. She made her way downstairs to find Kakashi, Naruto and Sasuke crowded around something.

"Move." Akiri ordered. Kakashi dived out of the way, apparently fearful of Akiri and her vicious mood swings. Akiri looked down to see Sakura, fast asleep. She nudged the pink haired girl in the ribs with her toe. Sakura grumbled and opened her eyes. She then sat up, looking around at her surroundings.

"Where am I?" She asked.

Akiri, being a fan of Sakura, smiled and helped her up. "You're not in your world anymore." Umbra said.

"Wait," Sakura froze. "What the... I've read about this somewhere!" She squeaked.

"Sakura-chan is so smart." Naruto grinned, looking like an idiot again.

"Shut up dobe." Sasuke grumbled.

"SASUKE-KUN!" Sakura squeaked and attacked Sasuke by hugging him to death.

Naruto stared at them for a few moments, looking utterly discarded. "S-sakura-chan?"

"Give it up." Akiri said. "Anyway! Seeing as its Saturday, let's go out!"

"What?!" Sebastian howled from the stairs. Wolfey shoved Sebastian from behind and sent him rolling down the stairs in an unusual manner. Sebastian crashed into the wall. Wolfey and Karo burst out laughing, unable to contain themselves.

"Hey, who wants to make muffins?" Akiri asked.

Silence followed her question. Then as if the room were a TV switched on, everyone except the four ninjas went bonkers. "What about going out?!" Sebastian cried from his crippled position against the wall.

"Nah, not in the mood." Akiri shrugged. She then went to the kitchen, followed by Umbra as always and got the chocolate muffin mix out.

Wolfey entered just as the packet was placed on the counter. "OMFG! CHOCOLATE!"

Karo dived into the room. "OMFG! COOKIES!"

"No, not cookies, Karo, but I can make some if you want." Akiri said.

"WHOOOOO!" Karo went completely bonkers.

"Cookies? Where?!" Naruto burst into the kitchen, apparently starving. Kakashi followed shortly after with Sasuke and a clingy-to-Sasuke-kun Sakura.

"Everyone out!" Akiri barked. "Now!"

The kitchen was cleared in a few seconds. Only Akiri and Umbra were left in the kitchen. "Shall we start?" Umbra asked. Akiri nodded and they gathered the rest of the neccisary ingredients for cookies and muffins.

**Okay! That's it for chapter 3! Hope you enjoyed! **

**Next chapter, hope to see something really funny and amusing!**

**Akiri and Umbra are really frickin' mean, eating all the MC Donalds on their own... And yes, there was eleven burgers, because Sebastian wanted to eat two.**

**Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Duckface didgeridoo

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews I have received so far! Especially from morial otaku! On all of my fanfics!**

**Enjoy this chappie and I'll garuantee you'll love the next!**

**Disclaimer: not doing it.**

**Enjoy and review! **

With Akiri and Umbra baking in the kitchen, the smell of delicious cookies and chocolate muffins wafted through the air, causing all kinds of hell.

First, Karo tried to peek into the kitchen, but was abruptly smashed in the face by the kitchen door. Then, Wolfey entered the kitchen to get something to eat, stole a freshly baked cookie, took one bite and cried in pain as it burnt her tongue. She then decided to keep out of the kitchen.

Meanwhile, Naruto was drooling uncontrollably. Snot dribbled from his nose every so now and then. He was hungry. Kakashi and Sasuke didn't look like they were hungry, but Kakashi's stomach grumbled audibly, causing hysterics from Wolfey. Sasuke on the other hand faced the corner, so no one could see his face as it was twisted in hungered agony.

I swear, Sakura was the only calm one there, because even Sebastian started drooling. Sakura didn't even look fazed by hunger at all.

Akiri and Umbra had just put in the last batch of muffins when there was a sudden crash in the living room. Akiri darted out to see what caused the ruckus and found (to her anger) the brand new, R300 000, glass coffee table, shattered.

The poor sot who caused this little (fuck that: 'big assed loadfull of shit') problem, was none other than a large blue guy, squashed under a thin and pale guy with long hair who looked similar to Sasuke.

"Itachi..." Sasuke snarled.

"My table..." Akiri snarled.

Within three seconds, Kisame and Itachi were thrown against the hard concrete walls. Akiri had already (how she did it astonished even me) magically retrieved her steel club and swung it hard.

It struck the first poor miserable idiot, who just happened to be Kisame, in the nuts, really hard. Kisame groaned in agony, gripped his dangly bits (which I think were broken by that hit) and slowly sank to the floor, tears streaming out of his shark-like eyes.

Akiri swung again, which swung fast and collided with the side of Itachi's chest, (probably breaking a rib or two) sending the weasel flying sideways into the stair-railing. He grunted and passed out.

The girl who caused these two Akatsuki members real serious pain, panted really hard and glared around the room. "Anyone else want to break something around here?!" She barked.

There was silence as nobody answered, just stared in mute horror at the large breasted, crazy, psychopathic woman with a possible murder weapon in her hands.

"I didn't think so." Akiri turned and walked back into the kitchen, the steel club magically dissapearing again. She slammed the kitchen door shut, the sound ecchoing all over the place.

Wolfey stared wide eyed at the kitchen door, afraid that Akiri would return and whack her block clean off. Karo stared at the two miserable men who broke the coffee table and then got broken themselves. Sebastian wore the expression of utter pain as he watched the shark-man clutch his nuts, thanking whoever was up in the sky that it wasn't his two sacks of sperm and a weiner that got clubbed.

Kakashi fainted. That's all that happened to him. Nothing special. He was probably afraid of the club, so when he saw it, he collapsed. Naruto forgot all about drooling, food and whatever before and was now trying to cover his eyes and ears with one hand and his nuts with the other.

Sasuke just glared unemotionally at Itachi. (Prick.)

Sakura plucked up the courage to knock on the kitchen door. Wolfey and Karo both shook their heads wildly, expressions twisted in mute horror. The pink haired girl ignored their mental pleas to stop what she was doing and knocked on the door.

There was a silent pause. "Enter." Akiri said.

Karo and Wolfey stared at each other in astonishment. They were obviously thinking that Akiri was going to throw something through the door that would have killed Sakura.

Sakura gulped and twisted the knob, entering slowly. The kitchen door squeaked slightly from its most recent slamming. What the pink haired kunoichi found was completely different than what she had expected.

Akiri was leaning on the counter, sipping a glass of water, whilst Umbra lounged in a chair, looking quite calm as he ate a cooled chocolate chip muffin. "Sakura," Akiri caught her attention quickly.

"Y-yes?" Sakura squeaked.

"Tell everyone the cookies and muffins are done."

"O-okay." Sakura turned to leave.

"Oh, and tell them they're not getting any until there's a coffee table to put everything on." Akiri concluded, looking serious.

Sakura nodded and left, closing the door behind her. Akiri turned to Umbra. "I wonder how fast they'll buy a new table..." Umbra sniggered.

Meanwhile, just as Sakura returned, Karo, Wolfey, Sebastian and Naruto stampeded the poor girl with questions. "Oi, I can hear you out there!" Akiri barked.

Everyone quieted down instantly. "Akiri-san said that the cookies and muffins are done, -"

"Whoot!" Karo jumped up.

"But you'll have to get a new coffee table first." Sakura finished.

There was silence instantly. Then everyone scampered about. Karo, Wolfey and Sebastian would dress Sasuke up to look normal and they would go buy a new table. This organizing took less than a minute, seeing as Karo (who was really lusting for those cookies) dragged them out of the house, to the bakkie and sped their asses down the driveway, nearly missing the Martin Lawrence lookalike security guard, an old lady who threw a middle finger at them, a poodle whose hair was shaved to make it look like a duck, a speeding cat (white, for those who believe in 'that' superstision) and another black person, who shouted at them, telling them they were racist.

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Akiri was chuckling her ass off. "Well, Umbra, time?"

"Two minutes." Umbra replied, grinning. Akiri nodded.

Sakura stood in the doorway. Akiri turned to her. "Sakura, guard everything here. Make sure that retarded blonde doesn't enter." She ordered. Sakura nodded.

Akiri strode out of the kitchen with Umbra (I think its called being a butt-fly. Those flies that stay on horse's butts.) They went upstairs to Akiri's room, getting out the four cooldrinks from a few hours ago from her cupboard. They then returned downstairs. Akiri handed one to Sakura and one to Naruto.

"What's this?" Naruto questioned.

"Just shut up and finish it, before the others get back." Akiri ordered.

Naruto took a cautious sip with the straw, his eyes widened and he slurped every last drop of coca-cola in that large cup. The downside about this, is that Naruto started burping rather rudely, waking Kakashi up from his fainting expedition with the floor and the carpet.

Kisame looked up from his position against the wall, rubbing his aching testacles. He saw Akiri and whistled loudly.

Akiri didn't seem to find whistling appropriate in the house, so she turned around and glared at the half-fish before instructing him to shut up or else: "I'm going to hang you upside down, by your testicles and use you as a pin'ata."

Kisame's eyes widened and he shut the fuck up.

Not a few minutes later, more like half a minute, Karo and the others returned. Sakura grabbed Naruto's empty cup and threw it away.

Slowly, Karo's backside was seen entering the house along with Sebastians backside. Then a new table was brought in and afterwards Wolfey and Sasuke, carrying the other end. They then proceeded to chuck the broken coffee table away, clean the mess and then set the new coffee table in the centre of the living room.

Akiri smiled. "That wasn't so hard, now was it?"

Wolfey grumbled something under her breath before going upstairs to fetch her bong. Akiri brought out the baked goodies just as Wolfey returned and plonked herself down on the couch. "Oh no, not again." Sebastian cried, scooting away from Wolfey.

Kakashi's eyes widened. "Whazzat?" Naruto asked.

"You don't want to, if I were you." Akiri warned. Naruto, however, didn't listen. Wolfey lit the bong, showed Naruto what to do and within three seconds, Uzumaki Naruto was hacking his lungs out. "Told you." Akiri sighed. Umbra shrugged, silent as ever. He hooked his finger through one of Akiri's belt holders on her pants. Sebastian glared at him.

Kisame, after having been ordered to 'shut the fuck up', couldn't take it anymore and had to speak. "Where the hell are we?!" He shouted.

Nine pairs of heads turned to the shark-man. "I'm not explaining." Akiri said, grabbing five muffins and a few cookies before sauntering upstairs with Umbra still holding on to her pants.

"Fucking emo bitch..." Sebastian grumbled.

"What's that you said, dick ducker?" Akiri asked from the middle floor.

"Nothing." Sebastian replied.

"Oi! Can I bloodywell know where I am?" Kisame peeped, trying to sound agressive, but couldn't, as his nuts were knocked all the way up to his throat.

Karo sighed. "You sound like a girl." She said. Wolfey barked with laughter, almost choking on a muffin.

"An ugly one too!" Wolfey howled when she recovered from the muffin attack.

"Shhhrghsgjdenbheuw!" Sebastian growled, trying to shut everyone up. "Listen!" He hissed.

From upstairs, a bed squeaking slightly could be heard as well as giggling. Losing his noodle, yet again (he has a problem), Sebastian stormed upstairs and bashed into Akiri's room to find Umbra and Akiri jumping on Akiri's bed.

"Oh for the love of-"

"OUT!" Akiri barked. (I wonder how many times this would happen?)

Sebastian rolled his eyes and slammed the door shut, stomping down the steps. Unfortunately, his audible parade was stopped abruptly when his shoelace got stamped on by his other foot and he was sent rolling down the remainder of the stairs, flying over Kisame and crashing into the wall.

Wolfey and Naruto burst out in uncontrollable hysterics and Karo rolled her eyes. "Dumbass." She muttered. Sasuke, this whole time, kept glaring at his older brother. Kakashi, for some or other reason, had been nibbling on a muffin for a while now.

Kisame shook his head. "What did I do to deserve this..." He whined.

Naruto and Wolfey were scarfing down cookies and muffins the whole time. Wolfey jumped up. "You gotta try this!" She squealed, dragging Naruto to the kitchen to make hot chocolate.

What mad insanity lies ahead for out characters.

Except for Wolfey, singing this song as loudly as possible:

"Roll, roll, roll a J, twist it at the ends, light it up and take a puff, now pass it to your friends!"

X_X (this is serious people, Naruto is high and singing along)

**Hahahahahahahahaha! That was a classic! I just had to do that! Anyway, thanks to my friend for giving me this little bit of inspiration!**

**Review and chapter 5 will be posted absutely free! As soon as I've finished writing it though... T_T**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

**A/N: Spanx a million for all the lovely reviews! I can see morial is the only person actually reading my fanfics and enjoying them... Boo to the other motherfuckers who don't review, shame on you!**

**Anyway, enjoy this chapter and make sure to review or something bad will happen to your panties...**

"I AM... SURRENDERING... TO GRAVITY AND THE UNKNOWN!" Karo rolled her eyes as Akiri continued to sing A Perfect Circle's Gravity at an obnoxiously loud volume from her room with the music turned extemely high. Akiri skipped the song again. "_Don't disturb_

_The beast_

_The tempermental goat_

_The snail while he's feeding on _

_the Rose_

_Stay frozen, compromising_

_What I will_

_I am_

_Bend around_

_The wind silently_

_thrown about_

_Again I'm treading so_

_Soft and lightly_

_Compromising my will_

_I am_

_I am_

_I will_

_So no longer _

_Will I _

_Lay down _

_Play dead_

_Play your doe_

_in the headlights locked down_

_and terrified _

_Your deer in the headlights_

_shot down and horrified when_

_Push comes to pull comes to shove_

_Comes to step around this_

_Self-destructing dance that never _

_would've ended till I _

_Rose,_

_I roared aloud here_

_I will_

_I am._

_I am_

_I will_

_So no longer _

_Will I _

_Lay down _

_Lay dead_

_Play this _

_Kneel down_

_Gun-shy Martyr_

_Pitiful _

_I rose, I roared_

_I will_

_I am._"

The song blared from Akiri's speakers. See, the reason why Akiri had locked herself and Umbra in her room with loud music is this:

Flashback.

With Wolfey and Naruto, singing at the top of their lungs while preparing hot chocolate, Sebastian stood up from where he sat and went upstairs. He hovered outside Akiri's room, just in case he heard something. Akiri then exited her room with Umbra as clingy to her as ever. Sebastian was ignored as the two went downstairs.

There was a loud crash. Sebastian raced downstairs to find Akiri pinning Itachi to the wall by his neck. She was glaring at him with some new form of anger and anguish in her eyes. Umbra stared in shock at Akiri, unwilling to help Itachi in case the psychopath reered around and attacked him instead.

Sasuke stared at Akiri in shock, as did the rest of them, except Sebastian. Kakashi had made the floor and the carpet his temporary tango partner and passed out again. Kisame lurched to his feet in an instant, ready to attack the mad woman.

"What... Did... You... Say... Weasel-shit?" Akiri snarled. Itachi was wide awake, trying to breathe. His face started turning blue.

"Call an optimist..." Umbra mumbled, backing away. "He's turning blue..."

Karo jumped up. "Kiki, stop this!" She cried. Kisame started advancing, drawing ever closer to Akiri. Umbra backed up the stairs. Wolfey and Naruto stood in the kitchen doorway, too afraid to move.

Sebastian stared at the madness from the stairs. Umbra's eyes widened. "Everyone down!" He screamed, diving off the stairs to lay flat on he ground. Suddenly the windows shattered. Karo, Wolfey, Sakura, Sasuke, Naruto and Sebastian dropped to the floor instantly, covering their heads. The shattered pieces of glass whirred around the living room with a strong, swirling wind.

"Akiri!" Karo cried, trying to get the girl to stop.

"Kiki!" Wolfey grabbed on to Naruto. Kisame dropped to the floor after several bits of glass slammed into his skin. Akiri kept glaring at Itachi, choking him.

Umbra whined slightly. "Akiri, please."

Akiri came to her senses instantly. She gasped, the glass and the wind stopped. She then let go of Itachi, staring wide eyed at the blue-faced Uchiha. Akiri backed away and ran upstairs. Umbra shot up and hurried after her, apparently not wanting to be left with the others.

When in her room, Akiri slammed the door shut when Umbra entered. She then dropped down on her bed, staring at the wall. Umbra slithered onto the bed and sat next to Akiri.

Sebastian lifted his head and looked around at the mess. Karo and Wolfey stood up. Glass was scattered everywhere along with ninjas, muffins and cookies. Kisame sat up. "What the hell was that?" He asked, looking around like a moron.

Wolfey shook her head. "We'll probably have to clean this up. Before Kiki comes down." She sighed.

"Well, at least she didn't hit us... By the way, how did goth-boy know that was going to happen?" Karo asked.

"What are you guys talking about?" Sakura asked. "I don't understand what just happened. First, Akiri comes downstairs and Itachi calls her a bitch and breaks one of the vases, then Akiri-san slams him into the wall and starts choking him, then the windows break and glass flies everywhere..." Sakura trailed off, unable to think of anything to explain the event.

Wolfey dissapeared into the kitchen for a few seconds and returned with a roll of black bags, two brooms, two pans, four brushes and a first aid kit. "Come on, let's get this cleaned up." She sighed, handing everyone something.

Then music blared from Akiri's room. "Fuck..." Karo sighed.

"_I got my head but my head is unraveling_

_cant keep control can't keep track of where it's traveling_

_I got my heart but my heart's no good_

_you're the only one that's understood_

_I come along but I don't know where you're taking me_

_I shouldn't go but you're wrenching dragging shaking me_

_turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky_

_the more I give to you the more I die!_" Nine Inch Nail's The Perfect Drug blasted through the house. Kakashi jumped up from the floor, turning around to see where the techno metal music was coming from.

"_and I want you... And I want you... And I want you... AND I WANT YOU!_

_you are the perfect drug_

_the perfect drug_

_the perfect drug_

_the perfect drug_

_you are the perfect drug_

_the perfect drug_

_the perfect drug_

_the perfect drug._"

Sebastian stared up at the ceiling. Akiri skipped the song to Slayer's Bloodline, which freaked Karo out as she stared at the ceiling, face twisted in fear.

"This better not carry on the whole night..." Wolfey whined.

This is where the story continues. Akiri skipped the song again.

Up in Akiri's room, Akiri sat on her bed, staring at the wall whilst Umbra studied her stiff form. Her legs were pulled up to her chest. (Warning: the next scene may be perverted, so skip till you reach the non perverted scene.)

Whilst A Perfect Circle's Rose continued playing, Umbra held out his hand to Akiri to dance. This is the perfect music to waltz on, just by the way...

Anyway, Akiri accepted and stood up from her bed. Umbra was slightly taller than Akiri. One... Two... Three... One... Two... Three... Umbra and Akiri stared into each other's eyes as they waltzed around the room. They got closer to the bed, and by the end of the song, Umbra layed Akiri down on the bed, leaning over her. He stared intently into her eyes.

Sebastian, Karo and Wolfey sweeped every last bit of glass into piles which they threw into the garbage bags. The ninja's, except Kisame, a passed out Itachi from lack of air and Kakashi who stood in the corner looking like an idiot, helped clean as well. Sebastian then dropped his broom and went upstairs to go check on Akiri, to make sure she was okay. The music was still blaring like mad.

He opened the door slightly when he reached the room and snuck a peek. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped a few centimeters.

Umbra was kissing Akiri.

Sebastian, not able to keep his noodle in his head, burst into the room and dove for Umbra, but missed, crashing into the bedside table. The gentleman stood up.

Umbra and Akiri stared at him as if he was a murderer. Sebastian snarled at Umbra. "What the hell do you think you're fucking doing, goth-boy?!" He shouted above the loud music.

Karo and Wolfey popped their heads inside. Wolfey dashed up to the music player and turned the volume down, so that the music played in the background.

"Shut up, gay-boy, you can't say much except sing like a moron whenever a girl walks past and dress like a pansy!" Umbra retorted, standing straight. Sebastian lifted himself a little, but failed to look intimidating as Umbra stood a head taller than him.

"Shut the fuck up, you fucking emo-bitch!" Sebastian shouted.

"Boys!" Wolfey cried, trying to stop a possible fight. "Just calm the hell down!"

Karo dashed downstairs. She grabbed the first person she found and dragged him upstairs. Kisame was thrown into the room. "Seperate them before a huge fistfight erupts!" Karo commanded.

Kisame looked at the two men, glaring at each other murdirously, then at Akiri who sat on her bed, pale from fear. "I've been with her longer than you have, fairy-fuck, so keep you're fucking shit wagon shut!" Umbra roared, ready to punch Sebastian's lights out.

The walking, talking fish-stick jumped in between the two, blocking their fists. Instead of hitting the other, Umbra and Sebastian's fists slammed into Kisame's back and chest, causing him to lose his breath. Without dropping to the floor, Kisame grabbed Sebastian and dragged him out of the room before anything else happened. Karo dragged Wolfey out as well and closed the door.

"Don't say anything." Karo warned Wolfey, just as the wolf-loving girl opened her mouth to say something.

Kisame dragged Sebastian, kicking, punching and screaming to the middle floor and locked him in a room's bathroom. This would be Karo's bathroom, because only Karo, Wolfey and Akiri's bathrooms have keys to lock them. Kisame then strode out of the room to fins the cookie-lover.

Naruto had passed out on the couch after Karo and Wolfey dissapeared upstairs. Kakashi and Sakura were trying to wake Itachi up with fail and Sasuke glared out of the windowless window.

Karo stopped Kisame on the way down the stairs. "I'll go check with the security guard, you keep an eye on the idiot you locked up." She hissed, dragging Wolfey down the stairs.

Akiri stared at Umbra in silence. Umbra turned to her and smiled kindly before going off to shower.

Sakura was still confused as hell. She approached Karo. "What happened?" She questioned.

"Umbra kissed Kiki, Sebastian saw it and the two tried to kill each other." Karo replied, dragging a protesting Wolfey out of the house.

Itachi came to. "Mommy!" He shouted, bolting upright. He realised what he shouted and clamped his mouth shut, but it was too late. Sakura sniggered.

Sasuke turned to Itachi and stared at him (with real emotion) in confusion. "What the-"

There was a scream from upstairs. Everyone darted upstairs in an instant.

Akiri stared at something in mute horror.

**Sorry to cut the chapter there, but I wanted a cliff hanger!**

**Can anyone guess what it is?**

**If you guess right, you'll get a cookie!**

**Reviews please!**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Especially unknown...

**A/N: I noticed I didn't add a chapter name for chapter 5... Well, I did that because I didn't have any ideas. So you can't scold me! Anyway, enjoy this chapter, thank you for the reviews again, and review!**

**Oh, thank you again, morial otaku for all the reviews. Thank you also for telling me about my spelling mistakes. I double checked this chapter and I found none (unless my eyes are failing me)**

**I gave up on the disclaimer.**

**Enjoy and review!**

Akiri stared in horror at something standing in front of her bed. It wasn't Umbra, because he would never wear such outrageous clothing.

Karo janked the door open and fell into the room. She regained her balance and looked for the source of chaos when her eyes landed on something horrific. "Oh my heaven's hell..." Wolfey gasped.

"Why the hell is the pansy-ass here?!" Karo screamed.

All the girls in the room stared at none other than Sani. Not Sanji from One Piece. Sani, the pink-wearing, fairy-butt-fuck, gay mofkop in Toriko.

Within three seconds, before Sani could even utter a word, he was sent flying to the right by Akiri and her magical steel club. The club connected with Sani's face a few times after one hit. Wolfey and Karo stared in muted silence as Akiri slammed her club into Sani's oh so beautifully fucked face two more times before recoiling. Umbra emerged from the bathroom and saw the scene.

"Did she kill him?" Was all he asked.

Sani groaned.

"I thought so..." Umbra sighed and plonked down on the bed, drying his hair. Unfortunately, because of Umbra's slight problem, he walked out of the bathroom...

...

...

Starkers...

...

Karo and Wolfey stared at Umbra in horror before diving out of the room and dashing downstairs to calm themselves. They were panting and blushing red when they arrived in the living room.

"What now?" Kakashi asked, staring at the two girls in confusion.

Karo and Wolfey turned to each other before fainting. Sakura sighed. "Oh great... Apparently they saw something that must not have been seen..."

Then Akiri vaulted downstairs, also blushing her ass off. "Not another one..." Kakashi sighed. Akiri fainted as well. "What the heck happened to them?" Kakashi questioned to no one.

Sakura gasped and pointed up to the top of the first flight of stairs. Kakashi followed her hand that pointed at Umbra who stood at the top of the stairs, staring down at them, still unclothed. Sakura blushed beet red and fainted instantly.

Kakashi stared at Umbra in silence. "Why the h-" Kakashi fainted.

Dear Lord and Father of mankind... Please save their souls... Because America won't be able to hide... The thing above Umbra's dick!

Wait what?

What does Umbra have above his dick that made the girls and Kakashi faint? It couldn't have been his dick, of course, because all of them know what one looks like... (Although Umbra's is a bit bi- SHUT UP PERVERTED MIND!)

Anyway, Itachi, being the only one unfazed stared at Umbra. Above the man's dick was a marking. A tattoo of somesort that confused Itachi.

"What?" Umbra questioned, looking down at his dick.

"What's that?" Itachi asked.

"This?" Umbra pointed to his penis. "I think you have one yourself."

"No, above _it_." Itachi emphasised 'it'. Umbra looked down at the tattoo.

"Oh this?"

"Yes."

"Its a tattoo." Umbra stated. The tattoo wasn't something expected, rather, it was unexpected. No one else knew of it beforehand... So there was a little problem...

The tattoo was a tribal pentagram with wings. Why the girls fainted, the fucking devil knows...

Anyway, Umbra shrugged and returned upstairs, passing a curious Kisame, who in his own turn, saw the tattoo and fainted as well.

Apparently, the tattoo was somehow magical. I will explain how it works maybe later in the story, but for now, I must tell you what happened when Umbra returned to Akiri's room.

Umbra entered and froze. There were more people in the room. Coco, Toriko and Komatsu stood crowded around a fucked up pansy. Umbra ignored them and got dressed. It was only when he called Akiri that the people turned to look at him.

Akiri woke up from her daze instantly. "What?" She hollered.

"More idiots." Umbra sniggered.

"Huh?" The psychopath stood up and sauntered up the stairs to find out what the hell Umbra was talking about. When she entered her room, she stared at the new faces before pointing at Coco and shouting at the top of her lungs, waking up everyone who had passed out. "OH MY GOD! ITS THE GECKO!"

Coco stared at Akiri in horror. Akiri then returned to her normal self before barking orders. "OUT! OUT! ALL OF YOU! OUT!" She shouted. In an instant, Toriko, Coco, Komatsu and a fucked up fairy were kicked out. "LIGHTS OUT IN FIVE MINUTES!" She slammed the door shut.

Wolfey and Karo looked at each other before sighing. "Okay everyone," Wolfey started.

"Get somewhere to sleep," Karo continued.

"Now." Wolfey finished. The two went to their seperate rooms. Karo unlocked her bathroom door and kicked Sebastian out.

"LIGHTS OUT!" Akiri called.

Within three seconds, all lights were off and everything was peaceful. Really peaceful. Sebastian started jerking off. Wolfey lit her bong, Naruto was still passed out on the couch, Kakashi fell asleep in his room that was granted to him, Sasuke had passed out a long time ago, Kisame stared up at the ceiling in the hallway, laying on the floor, Itachi dropped down on one of the couches and fell asleep, Sakura was asleep on one of the other couches, away from the two guys, Karo munched her secret stash of cookies, Akiri stared up at the ceiling and fell asleep with Umbra's head on her stomach and Toriko and the others (except Sani-ass) were left speechless untill they too fell asleep, on the stairs.

All was silent, reminding me of Silent Night...

But my thoughts in the silence situation was play the best trance songs ever!

Marka by Dub PhysX ft Sceptical!

"Stinking of issy miyake, dark rum and the marijuana

Step inna mi lake and swim with the piranha

Anytime mi drop mi go put down a marka

If it nuh money say whe dem bother talk for?

Dem a try fi hold up a bank wid a banana

Yeah we pree the whole ting panorama

Whole heap a gun talk they don't really want no drama

We a kill dem a bloodclaat gain

Got the tings on lock down again

Them a tek ten shots in again

Dem pon a old pan sound dem again

Man a gash dem and light them again

Becaa me nah hyping again

Man are ready fi di war, when it comes on top, 'ca me nah feel frightened again

We a kill dem a bloodclaat gain

Got the tings on lock down again

Them a tek ten shots in again

Dem pon a old pan sound dem again

Man a gash dem and light them again

Becaa me nah hyping again

Man are ready fi di war, when it comes on top, 'ca me nah feel frightened again"

One night of sleep would make everyone calmer in the morning so that Akiri could sort out the bullshit. So that everyone can live a normal damned life. Or so we think...

The next morning would prove to be more troubling than the previous one as the truth about Akiri's visions come to light after something happens.

**This isn't going to end well... I know it... Morial is going to kill me... Because I'm just a bitch...**

**Haha anyway, hope you enjoyed-**

**Itachi: no they didn't because you are a pervert.**

**Me: *stuffs Itachi in the freezer* he didn't say anything and you saw nothing.**

**Kisame: *hides***

**Me: okay, that's it for chapter 6, hope you all enjoyed and review!**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Foreign Fantasies

**A/N: YAY! After a whole while without an update, I finally give you chapter 7!**

**Thank you again, Morial Otaku, for reviewing! :P**

**Anyway, Morial, you are going to kill me... Because of this late post!**

***dokimme!***

**Enjoy and review, motherbitches!**

The next morning was quite peaceful... Up until a girly screech was heard from the middle floor, waking everyone up. It turns out, Sani met Kisame on his way to 'a' bathroom to fix his hair.

Sebastian was the first out of his room. "Wha' th' hell is tha'?! Tha' 's so unbeau'ful!" Sani screamed.

"Um..." Sebastian tried intruding on Sani's screeching and pointing at the mutated, walking, talking fish stick.

"Is it edible?" Toriko questioned.

Wolfey and Karo dropped from their rooms to get Sani to shut the hell up, because he was screeching like a banshee.

Then it happened. "Oh fuck..." Wolfey, Sebastian and Karo said simultaneously. Akiri's door burst open. There were deep, slow and dangerous footsteps.

All noise halted in an instant. Akiri descended from the stairs in a slow and treaturous maneuver, Umbra shaking his head whilst following her. Wolfey and Karo dived into their rooms and dug themselves under their beds.

The shouting had attracted the attention of the remaining people, Sasuke, Itachi, Sakura, Naruto and Kakashi.

Akiri stood still at the bottom step, glaring around. Everyone started shivering under her gaze. They noticed the steel bat, clutched in her right hand with a machete in the other.

Sebastian backed away in fear. Akiri's gaze fell on Sani. Sani froze, sweat started to run down his face in a marathon for waterfall. Akiri gripped her machete tight. "Wanna lose all your sparkly hair in one second?" She questioned, her voice laced with a toxic poison.

Sani shook his head slowly, staring at Akiri in total fear. Komatsu was still asleep, through all the commotion, on the stairs. Toriko stared at the girl, pondering, but it was none othe that mr. Gecko who made a fatal error.

Coco stepped forward and lifted his hand to point something out. In an instant, the chameleon was smashed into the opposite wall by Akiri's club.

Itachi's eyes widened. Karo pooped her head out of her room. "K-kiki? C-coffee?" She squeaked.

Umbra jumped downstairs in a flash and dissapeared. Akiri narrowed her eyes. "Lounge, everyone, five minutes." She snarled before returning upstairs to change her night gown which showed way too much cleavage.

Sebastian grabbed the closest person, which was Naruto and dragged him downstairs. "Come on!" He hissed at everyone else.

Umbra raced upstairs in a whoosh, carrying Akiri's coffee. Kisame blinked stupidly, shook his head and then followed the rest downstairs. Wolfey and Karo latched themselves onto Itachi's cloak, in fear of Akiri's mad wrath.

Umbra settled the mug of coffee down on the bedside table, shuffling out of the way as Akiri marched accross the room, starkers, throwing clothing on the bed. Umbra stared at Akiri. She was furious, waking up to screeching before five in the morning was definitely not her cup of cocoa and Umbra knew this.

Akiri dressed quickly, afterwards she paused, lifted the mug off of the bedside table and gulped all its contents down. She then sauntered out, Umbra following close behind.

Karo and Wolfey wedged themselves between Kisame and Itachi, sinking low into the couch, hoping that the two Akatsuki members will be attacked first. Akiri appeared at the top of the stairs. "Sit down!" Sebastian hissed.

At first, with Akiri's burning gaze, everyone panicked, but then settled down and sat down on their asses. Komatsu had been dragged downstairs by Toriko and had just woken up and stared around.

Akiri sauntered down the stairs, still gripping the club and machete. She stopped in the middle of the living room and stared around at everyone. "Firstly," she barked suddenly, making everyone jump. "I'd like to make it clear, that before five in the fucking morning, NO ONE SHALL SHOUT, SCREECH, OR MAKE ANY NOISE!" She shouted loudly. Sani stared at her, eyes widened like tennis balls. "Secondly,"

Everyone gulped, Wolfey sunk lower into the couch, shrinking from view. Karo shut her eyes tight, waiting for the sharp pang and sound of steel hitting skull.

"There will be a few adjustments made to this house. If none can be made, we'll have to move." Akiri said, pacing around, glaring at everyone. "Meaning, we need to be able to accommodate more than twenty people if neccisary." She paused before turning the other way and taking three steps. "Thirdly, seeing as we have a slight problem with anime-"

"WHACHOO!" Komatsu sneezed, interrupting Akiri. Wolfey, Naruto, Karo, Sebastian, Umbra and Sasuke's eyes widened. "Uh... Sorry, err..."

Komatsu was hoisted up from his seat and hung in midair, held by his throat by Akiri, glaring murderously at him.

Toriko stood up, ready to fight. Umbra sighed. "No use... She's not going to let go..." He mumbled to Toriko. Komatsu was choking, unable to breathe. Akiri dropped the small man and returned to her pacing. Toriko settled down, Komatsu hacked and coughed.

"As I was saying," Akiri barked. "Thirdly, we'll need to either make adjustments to this house, or find somewhere, as I said, with lots of room." Karo lifted her hand silently. "What?"

"Uhm... W-why?" Karo asked.

"Training." Was all Akiri said before going outisde to speak to the Martin Lawrence lookalike security guard.

Karo turned to Wolfey. Sebastian stood up. "What?"

"Training?" Kisame questioned.

Akiri returned instantly. Wolfey turned to her. "Why training, Kiki? What for?" She asked. Akiri paused.

Umbra slinked his finger into one of the belt loops on Akiri's pants. "Something's coming." Akiri said, sauntering upstairs.

Sebastian's eyes widened. "What did you see?" He called after her.

Akiri paused. "Figure it out." She said.

There was a long pause. "What did she see?" Coco asked, rubbing his head where the club collided.

"She sees... things..." Wolfey started, but trailed off.

"The future..." Karo added.

Sebastian sighed. "And it seems the vision she had was twisted with the past." He concluded. "But what will happen remains a mystery."

"I don't get it." Sasuke pouted. "Firstly, how did we get here, secondly, who's this dobe?" He asked, pointing at Sani.

"Shut up, duck ass." Wolfey grumbled. "Its not like we all haven't got something that makes us look like a baka. Even Kiki does stupid things."

"Like smoke that funny stuff?" Kakashi asked.

"Yes." Karo said, rolling her eyes.

"Okay, so, can we please sort out breakfast?" Naruto asked. Wolfey giggled.

Sebastian sighed. "Kiki! Going to get breakfast at KFC!" He shouted before dragging Sasuke with him.

There was silence again. Karo stood up. "Well, seeing as we're all awake now,-"

"Hot chocolate?" Wolfey interrupted, jumping up.

Komatsu and Toriko started drooling. "_Hot Chocolate..._" They moaned.

Karo rolled her eyes. There was a crash from upstairs. Wolfey and Naruto dashed upstairs in a flash. They were expecting something broken, but not the scene in front of them.

Wolfey's jaw clattered to the floor. Naruto stared in silence, eyes bugging out of his skull.

Umbra and Akiri, yet again, were kissing. They had knocked over one of the vases.

Kakashi appeared behind Wolfey and stared wide eyed at the two. "What the fuck?!" Karo shouted, staring at the two.

Akiri and Umbra pulled apart instantly. Thank whoever that Sebastian wasn't there to witness it... "Piss off!" Akiri barked.

"But-"

"FUCK OFF!" Umbra shouted.

Everyone, including Akiri, stared wide eyed at Umbra. "..."

"What?" Umbra asked.

"I'm off!" Karo squeaked and dashed downstairs with Wolfey, Kakashi and Naruto.

Akiri turned to the gothic man. "What... was that?" She asked, astonished.

Umbra blushed slightly. "Nothing..." He said and dissapeared into Akiri's room.

Meanwhile, Karo and Wolfey were blushing like nuts. "I've never heard him shout at anyone before..." Wolfey said.

"Me neither..." Karo nodded.

"What?" Coco was confused. "First there's a crash, then someone shouts 'fuck off' now you guys are giggling like monkeys... What the hell?"

"Oh go stuff yourself wierdo." Kisame grumbled.

"Look who's talking!" Karo howled.

"The pot's calling the kettle black!" Wolfey joined in with laughter.

Itachi couldn't help but snigger, but it was hidded by a cough. "And the hot chocolate you wanted to prepare?" He asked.

Wolfey froze. "Make your own, weasel-shit." She snorted, sauntering upstairs to get her bong.

"_Hot Chocolate..._" Komatsu and Toriko moaned, both drooling. Sani scrunched his nose up in disgust.

"Make your own." Wolfey said, plopping don on the couch with her didgeridoo. Sebastian and Sasuke returned shortly after with a whole truck load of KFC.

"Okay, seeing as the MC Donalds-" Sebastian was interrupted when Wolfey barked out, crying. "_Episode_... Didn't go well, I got a shithouse full of food."

"Oh yay, bring it in." Karo rolled her eyed. "Dufus..."

"I need help..." Sebastian rolled his eyes.

"You both need to stop rolling your eyes before they drop out." Itachi said.

Everyone glared at Itachi. The weasel didn't like the attention, so he sharinganed Sani's ass. "There goes the fairy..." Wolfey sighed, giggling.

Akiri stormed downstairs, Umbra following close behind. "We're moving. Now, today." She said.

All heads turned to her. "Wuh?" Wolfey cocked her head to the side.

"Start packing. We've found a large enough space." Akiri dashed back upstairs.

"Oh great..." Sebastian rolled his eyes.

What place has Akiri and Umbra found? Where will they move to? What the fuck will happen? And what the fuck is 'it' doing in the next chapter?!

**Reviews and await chapter 8 with a whole scoop of chocolate mousse!**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Happy Halloween and a super surprise!

**A/N: so I'm posting two chapters in one day, because I have to update and...**

**ITS HALLOWEEN!**

**So, enjoy this chapter and review!**

After having packed every single vase, panty, stocking, fork, knife, dildo... Everything in the house into the moving van within one day, the friends set off, with the cars, the Martin Lawrence lookalike and his chommie, as well as the anime people, to their new house.

What Karo was expecting was ruined by the sight of a huge, red and black brick castle just as they arrived late that evening.

Akiri stepped out of the car, admiring the building. Wolfey's jaw dropped and Sebastian stared at it. "Let's get to work. Carry everything in, now!" Akiri barked.

Within just minutes, the Akatsuki as well as everyone else and a forced Sani carried all the boxes. Akiri and Umbra ventured forth to inspect the mother of a castle. Akiri immediately went in search of the largest and highest room in the place, and she found it. Two floors up from the main living area, there was a dark bedroom, which suited her nicely. She grinned and marked the door by carving a pentagram in the wood with her hunting knife. (Another possible murder weapon?)

Wolfey and Karo, after draggin all their boxes into the castle, attacked the rooms to see which was theirs, so did Sebastian. Akiri returned downstairs and made sure that everything was brought into the castle. The Martin Lawrence lookalike security guard shoved his hands in his pockets. "Eish, miesies, this place is huge!"

"I know." Akiri grinned. Umbra rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah!" Akiri barked. "HEY FUCK-SHITS!" She shouted. "ITS HALLOWEEN!"

Within three seconds, Karo, Wolfey and Sebastian appeared in front of Akiri. "PARTY?!" Wolfey cried.

Akiri grinned and nodded. There was a loud cheer from Karo and a squeak from Wolfey. "Get everything in your rooms and get dressed." Akiri said.

She then went to her room, followed by Umbra as per usual.

Wolfey and Karo grabbed their boxes of stuff and dashed upstairs to find their rooms. By that time, it was around six pm, so they had loads of time to decorate before midnight. Akiri popped downstairs again. She looked around at the confused anime people. "Find yourself a room, even if you have to share with someone-"

"NOT ME!" Sebastian, Wolfey and Karo shouted.

Akiri sighed. "Okay, except them..." She then returned upstairs.

Kisame turned to Itachi. "There's no way in hell I'm sharing with you." Naruto grumbled to Sasuke and Sasuke grumbled to Sakura.

"Can we finish unpacking?" Komatsu asked.

Sani plopped down on his butt. "My nail is broken, I'll sit this out."

Kisame rolled his eyes. "Pansy." He muttered.

So, skipping the events until eight pm, we find our friends, already dressed in halloween attire, Akiri in a sexy witch outfit, Karo in a pixie outfit, Wolfey wearing a cute wolf outfit, Sebastian dressed as a vampire and Umbra dressed as himself, clutching onto Akiri as usual, and the anime people as themselves, in the living room.

Akiri had invited some of her friends over. One of them was having a bitch fight with Sakura over Sasuke, the other was hanging onto Itachi, another was squashing Naruto and the last one was sloshing herself on booze with Akiri.

"So, Kiki, can you endulge us on who these four friends of yours are?" Karo asked.

Akiri grinned. "ATTENTION!" She barked. The music turned down and everyone paused. "This is Momo," she pulled the half drunk girl up. She had blonde hair, blue eyes and was a head shorted than Akiri. "That one there, humping Naruto, is Akuto 'Yuri'," she pointed to a red head with orange eyes. "That one there, bitching about Sasuke is Ichibi," she said, pointing at a girl with black hair and brown eyes. "And that one is Luna." She said, pointing at the Itachi fan with silvery blonde hair and brown eyes.

"HALO!" The four squealed. Momo giggled and downed her sixth Captain Morgan and cola for the evening. Sebastian was in heaven, apparently, with all the tits and ass in the place.

"Oh yeah, I'd like to remind everyone that there will be no fucking in this place." Akiri said before turning the volume up.

The party dragged on until late. Karo was jamming her ass off with Akuto, Wolfey and Momo were smoking weed with Akiri and Umbra, while Coco stared suspiciously at the bong, Toriko was watching the retarded fish dancing retardedly to psychadelic trance music, Itachi sat in the corner, staring at the party, until Luna made him down a bottle of whiskey. Itachi then started going nuts and partied. Naruto was seen trying to break dance, but failed, so Sebastian did the breakdancing. Sasuke glared at everyone. Ichibi forgot about Sasuke and Sakura and was busy dancing like a moron. Sani was being a bitch. Komatsu was cooking in the kitchen, because Akiri ordered him to and finally, Kakashi had passed out from excitement. (Not very Kakashi-like.)

Anyway. There was a sudden scream then a crash. All noise died down and everyone stared at the centre of the living room, where up popped a lollipop. Akiri immediately, in her drunken and high state, grabbed her club and hit the lollipop. The lollipop screeched and dropped down to the floor. "Did you kill it?" Kisame asked, prodding the motionless body with his foot.

The lollipop jumped up. "That hurt Tobi!" It squeaked. "What did Tobi do to deserve this?"

TWACK!

Akiri carried on brutally hitting Tobi like there was no tomorrow. Sani stared in horror at the scene. Itachi and Kisame cheered Akiri on, apparently wishing Tobi would die.

Ichibi watched Tobi's mutilation and nodded, as if approving. "Yes, kill it..." Akuto said, evilly.

But, Tobi didn't die. Everyone stared at the lollipop dude. Akiri gave up. "Tobi's head hurts..." Tobi moaned, swooshing from side to side.

"What a Halloween surprise, now all we need are some scary stories, popcorn and a scary movie." Wolfey whistled. Karo whooped.

"Yes, let's do that. See if we can scare this dumbass back to his world." Akiri grinned. The music was turned off and everyone sat in a circle, including Tobi. The lights were turned off and Karo brought down her torch.

"Who's going first?" Wolfey asked.

"Let's spin the bottle and see, hopefully it doesn't land on..." Ichibi trailed off.

"What?" Akiri grinned.

"Nothing!" Ichibi squeaked.

An empty alcohol bottle was set in the middle of the group and spun quickly. Ichibi crossed her fingers, Akuto prayed, Luna covered her eyes, Momo whined. The bottle pointed to Akiri.

"Shit..." Ichibi muttered, staring wide eyed at the tormenting bottle.

Akiri grinned. "I guess we'll start off with the scariest story ever."

"No... Please no... Oh Lord!" Akuto cried.

"Shut up!" Karo whacked Akuto upside the head.

Akiri cleared her throat. "Wait, why are we telling scary stories, Tobi wants to know." Tobi asked, staring at Akiri.

Wolfey grinned. "Its Halloween, dipshit." She said

Akiri started the story suddenly. "After weeks of unexplained murders, an ominous killer was still on the rise. Little evidence has been found, and a young boy who states that he survived the killer's attack, tells his story."

We all know this story, this start...

"No, not..." Ichibi's eyes widened. Akuto screamed in terror. "JEFF?!" They cried.

Akiri grinned and continued the story. I will not add it, however, because you might just piss yourself out of fear.

After Akiri told Jeff the Killer's story, Tobi was shaking from head to foot, Kisame's eyes were wide, Itachi and Sasuke, though emotionless, shat themselves, Kakashi fainted, Sani looked around in terror, Komatsu wet himself, Naruto covered his head with his arms, Momo started crying in terror, Akuto and Ichibi were clutching at each other in fear, Sebastian had to calm Karo and Wolfey down, Toriko stared wide eyed at Akiri, Coco's jaw dropped to the floor and Sakura started whining.

There was a loud bang and everyone except Umbra and Akiri screamed. Everyone latched onto Akiri, crying in fear. Akiri burst out laughing and in walked the Martin Lawrence lookalike security guard, laughing his ass off. It turns out that Akiri was planning the whole thing.

No one thought it was funny. "Spin the bottle again." Wolfey grumbled. The bottle spun again and landed on Tobi, who was about to shout, 'Oh boy!' Excitedly, when the bottle was spun again. It landed on Ichibi.

The night went on for ages, until around one in the morning. Everyone passed out in the living room, Umbra with his head on Akiri's stomach.

Akuto and Ichibi couldn't sleep, in fear of something happening to them.

Nothing did happen, and the next morning, around five, Akiri woke everyone up by barking orders. "RIGHT EVERYONE, RIGHT AND CENTER!" Everyone jumped up and filed into place. "I want this place as clean as a baby's bottom by two, got that?" Akiri asked. Everyone nodded. "Get to work." She said and went upstairs to shower, Umbra following her yet again.

Karo turned to Akuto. "So when you guys leaving?" She asked. Akuto shrugged.

"Kiki said we can stay as long as we help out around here." Momo said, clutching her pounding head.

"DO I HEAR THE VACCUUM CLEANER?" Akiri shouted from upstairs.

Wolfey sighed. "Let's just cleam up here..."

"SANI, COCO! GET YER ASSES UP HERE!" Akiri barked. Kisame sniggered. "AND THE FISH TOO!" Kisame's snigger dropped and he looked glum.

Coco, Sani and Kisame went upstairs while the rest started cleaning the place. When the three reached Akiri's room, Umbra ordered them to wait while Akiri showered.

That's around the time when all chaos started. The Martin Lawrence lookalike was fast asleep, so he didn't see the attacker entering the castle. Everyone in the living room was ready to attack the intruder.

**Haha! Cliffy again! Review and get chapter 9 to find out who the stranger is and what his purpose is! And who dies!**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Intruder revealed, secrets unsealed... Sebastian off his lorrey?

**A/N: thanks again for the reviews! I love youz all so much! And morial otaku, because you're the only one reviewing...**

**Here's chapter 9!**

**And what the hell?! Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt is awesome! Who wouldn't want to pull a gun out from between their legs?**

**Enjoy and review!**

**Oh, and this chapter may be a little longer than the usual...**

The Martin Lawrence lookalike security guard jumped when he heard a squeak. He pulled his gun from its holster and moved to inspect the house. All was quiet, everyone had passed out. Probably the wind. He shook his head, sighed and then returned to his cabin.

Inside, the intruder hid himself very well behind the large curtains. He grinned to himself and then snuck out to inspect the fiasco in the living room.

Akiri lay on one of the couches with her leg strewn over the back, Umbra's head on her stomach. Momo lay flat on her stomach, a bottle of vodka in her hand. Ichibi and Sakura clung to Sasuke, while Naruto suckled on Sasuke's toe. Kisame had fallen over the table and passed out. Tobi had hidden himself under one of the couch's pillows with Itachi passed out on top of the pillows with Luna over the arm of the couch. Kakashi had fainted on the floor, Sebastian and Wolfey were on the floor. Toriko, Coco and Sani were passed out at the kitchen table and Komatsu was the only one having being able to find a room.

The intruder moved over to Akiri, stepping over Momo's head lightly, to not wake her up. He couldn't risk anyone waking up before morning, but he just wanted to see Akiri. He smiled down at the asleep girl on the couch, cheeks flushed and lips slightly parted. Slowly, he leant down and kissed her forehead, before going back to his hiding place to await morning.

He was really doubting that his appearance would be taken well, but yet, it was to help. Does a sword strapped to your back with two guns look like help?

Time skip: morning, 5 am.

Akiri jumped up with a major headache and started barking orders to the sleeping drunkards.

Momo, being quite near the place where Akiri jumped up and shouted, jumped two metres up into the air and started swinging her vodka bottle around, looking for the purpotrator.

Everyone else just jerked awake and sat up, rubbing their heads. "RIGHT! I WANT THIS PLACE AS CLEAN AS A NUN'S FANNY BY THE TIME I GET BACK DOWN HERE!" Akiri shouted and dragged Umbra (still asleep [I don't know how he does it]) up to her room.

Wolfey sighed and stood up, Karo moaned and fell back. "Come on... Before she starts swinging that thing of her's about..." Sebastian mumbled.

"What thing?" Itachi asked.

Toriko stumbled out of the kitchen and faceplanted on the carpet. _Yeah, what thing?_ The intruder asked mentally as he watched the people stumble about in the living room.

Kisame got up from his face-down-ass-up position and yawned. Apparently, alcohol has little effect on the large sushi-roll. Or not.

Said fish fell forward after taking one step. Wolfey burst out laughing, but the loudness ecchoed and everyone clutched at their heads. "DO I HEAR THE VACCUUM CLEANER?!" Came Akiri's shouting from upstairs. Karo sighed and started removing all the decoration. Wolfey got all the empty bottles and stacked them in a box while Sebastian got the vaccuum cleaner out.

Itachi started reorganizing the furniture with Kisame, Tobi was still stuffed under the pollows of some couch, Kakashi cleaned the walls, Sasuke and Nartuo picked up all the pieces of food that was thrown about by Wolfey and Karo in their state of high-up-drunk, Toriko and Sani helped clean the kitchen with Coco, Komatsu prepared breakfast, and Luna and Sakura opened the curtains.

_Oh fuck._ The intruder cursed his stupidity and searched for an escape. He saw it. The window was wide open, so he dived out before Sakura could see him.

Bad idea, because the Martin Lawrence lookalike had just woken up. _Fucking double fuck!_ The intruder dived behind the bushes near the window.

Inside, Sebastian stumbled into the living room with the vaccuum cleaner, plugged it in and accedentally forgot that the pipe was still lying on the floor. It sucked onto Itachi's Akatsuki cloak, who screeched in horror and tried to pull the cloak away from the monstrous, man-eating, vaccuum.

Everyone else shook their heads and continued their work. Upstairs, Akiri finished showering and relaxed on her bed, drinking water to get the headache away. Umbra casually sauntered off to shower.

The Martin Lawrence lookalike security guard scouted around the yard to check for any signs of intrusion, found none, checked inside the house, fell over a fast asleep Kakashi on the floor, declared the house safe and then returned to his post.

Sakura helped pull a squished Tobi out from the couch. "Tobi doesn't feel too good..."

Tobi clutched his head. Sakura sighed. "No wonder... You have two broken ribs, you have a hangover and it seems you're hung-"

"Breakfast!" Komatsu chimed from the kitchen. Slowly but surely, with the house clean, everyone made their way to the kitchen. Akiri and Umbra descended downstairs, inspected the living room and then entered the kitchen. "I couldn't find any gourmet ingredients here... But its good enough." Komatsu said, plopping down a plate of food in front of everyone before seating himself with his own plate of food.

Toriko started drooling. "Its still food..." He cried before digging into his plate. Akiri sighed and sat down at the table with Umbra. Tobi was giggling like an idiot, playing with a piece of bacon. (Rolls eyes)

The intruder, having snuck around the house while mr Security prowled about, watched the large group enjoy their breakfast. He would wait until after they have finished breakfast before making his presence known.

Little did stupid mr Intruder know that mr Security guard had already informed ms Drackon about mr Intruder, so ms Drackon and mr Bellissima already knew about mr Intruder.

So, when the group of madmen finished their breakfast and reclined in the living room, the intruder burst into the living room, Akiri and Umbra unfazed by his appearance, the rest shitting themselves to bitter bone.

Ichibi flung herself behind the couch, Akuto dived behind Toriko, Momo dived under the table, Luna dived behind Itachi, Wolfey's eyes widened and she dropped her bong, water splattering everywhere, Sebastian grabbed onto Wolfey and Karo and Komatsu screamed.

Everyone else jumped into battle stance, ready to attack. Akiri sighed. "Hello, Dante." She said, standing up.

Mr-Intruder-who-got-caught-out stopped his parade into the house abruptly and froze, literally and figuratively. "W-what?" He asked, shocked.

Umbra stood up. "Oh come on, its not like you can avoid security. That guy is legend!" He said.

"Shut up." Akiri ordered. Umbra plopped back down on the couch, keeping silent. She turned to Dante. "So, what brings you here?"

"Um... Question?" Karo asked.

"What?"

"Isn't he an anime character?" Karo scratched her head.

Akiri snorted. "No, my dear dim-witted sister, he isn't." She turned back to Dante. "What are you doing here, half breed?" Akiri said, venom lacing her voice.

Dante straightened himself. "Get your goons to relax first." He snarled, not quite happy with being called 'half breed'.

"Goons?" Akiri looked around at the Ninjas and Byshokuya. She snorted. "These guys? Please, don't make me laugh." She folded her arms, turning back to Dante. "Maybe you could enlighten us on why they've come to this world?" She questioned, raising her eyebrow.

Dante walked around the living room. "Does it look like I have an idea?" He asked.

"Looks like you haven't revived your brain either." Akiri said, she lowered her hands, machete and club appearing magically.

"Do I need that?" Dante questioned, gripping one of his guns. Umbra dived over the couch.

In an instant, Akiri and Dante stood toe to toe, eye to eye. Dante pointed his gun at Akiri's throat, Akiri's machete was pointed at Dante's throat and her club mere meters from his head. "Shall we dance?" Akiri asked, grinning.

"That depends." Dante grinned. "What dance shall we dance?"

"What song shall be played?" Akiri didn't lower her weapons, neither did Dante. "I have the perfect song in mind, like to hear it?"

"No thanks, your music," Dante moved. "IS DEPRESSING!" He somersaulted over Akiri. Akiri swirled around and brought her club down. Dante dodged the possible hit by sliding to the left. Akiri spun again and moved close to Dante, her back to his. She then slammed her elbow back, which hit Dante in the ribs.

Dante grunted and toppled forward. Akiri cartwheeled and flung herself high, before landing, slamming her foot down on Dante's back.

Wolfey and Karo's eyes widened, Ichibi, Akuto, Momo and Luna gasped, the ninjas were flabberghasted and the byshokuya and Komatsu were stunned.

"What did you say about my music?" Akiri questioned, pressing her foot down on Dante's back. Dante cringed, panting.

"You've gotten stronger..." He said.

Akiri grinned and removed her foot, the machete and club dissapearing. Wolfey cocked her head to the side. "WUH? What the hell was that?! It looked like you were going to kill each other three seconds ago!"

Dante sat up, panting. "That," he stopped to catch his breath. "Wolf-Haley, is the way we greet each other normally."

Umbra rolled his eyes. "Last time they did that, that dick-fuck almost shot my hear off." He grumbled from behind the couch.

"You shouldn't stick so close to Kiki then, Dark Angel." Dante snorted.

Sebastian jumped up. "How many more are you hiding?!" He bellowed to Akiri, throwing his hands up.

Dante stared at Sebastian. "Who's this douche?" He asked.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!" Coco cried, unable to comprendo what the hell was happening.

Akiri sighed. "Okay, everyone sit your asses down so that I can explain."

Karo rolled her eyes. "Will this lead up to another non-explanation?" She asked. Karo was whacked by Wolfey.

"Shut up."

Everyone seated, Akiri folded her arms. "Right, firstly, we moved here to train, and I didn't tell you guys why." Everyone nodded. "There's a war coming." She said.

Jaws dropped and eyes widened. Umbra slinked his finger through one of the belt hoopes on Akiri's pants. (He does this for some reason when Akiri is serious.)

"How do you know? I mean, how can you be sure there's going to be a war?" Ichibi asked.

"And what war? We're in South Africa, God dammit!" Wolfey cried.

"SILENCE!" Akiri ordered. "Haven't you already been told that the visions I get are 100% accurate?" She asked.

"Oh yeah..." Karo nodded. Everyone else nodded as well.

"Good." Akiri turned to Dante. "And I suppose you're here to help with that, right?" She questioned.

Dante grinned. "What do you think?"

"I think you've come to take my beloved away!" Sebastian cried and flung himself onto Akiri. Dante narrowed his eyes. Akiri kicked Sebastian off.

Wolfey's eye twitched. "Some day, after I've had all my hot chocolate, I'll kill him." She muttered.

Akiri cleared her throat. "But the event isn't expected for a few years, so until then, we can train." She eyes Wolfey, Karo, Sebastian, Ichibi, Akuto, Momo and Luna in particular.

"What?" Akuto asked.

"Oh nothing." Akiri sighed and went out through the kitchen to the backyard of the huge castle. Sebastian dissapeared upstairs, stuck on his headphones and curled up in a ball on his bed.

Akuto bounced up and followed Akiri and Umbra to the backyard. "Hey, Kiki. Its been a while, how've you been?" She asked once she sat down next to Akiri.

"Annoying, busy, that shit..." Akiri trailed off.

There was a pause. "So those guys in there are the real deal?" Akuto asked. Akiri nodded.

"Damn Ichibi and her bloody fanfictuous mind." Umbra sighed.

Akiri chuckled. "Its no big deal." She said and stood up. "Besides, if they've been sent here because of the war, I'm sure they'll be gone afterwards."

"Possibly..." Akuto trailed off. "But what if they can't?" She asked.

Akiri didn't answer as she stared off. "Then we have a problem." She said.

Inside, everyone stared at Dante. "What?" He asked before ascending upstairs.

Wolfey recollected herself and picked up her bong, refilled it and lit it. Tobi, who was quiet the whole time, jumped up and started dancing randomly. Karo faceplanted. "This guy's an idiot." She whined.

Akiri walked in and stood at the foot of the stairs. "HEY, SEBASTIAN! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!" She shouted.

Sebastian could hear Akiri clearly through the soft music on his headphones. He ignored it.

"SEBASITAN!" Akiri called again. He didn't respond. "SEXY EYES!"

After no response at all, Akiri shrugged and plopped down on the couch. There was silence. "We need a tv." Akiri stated.

"Yeah." Karo agreed.

"We got anime." Wolfey said.

Ichibi's eyes widened. "No! You mustnt! Not with these guys here!" She cried.

"What's anime?" Toriko and Naruto asked in unison.

Silence passed. Wolfey opened her mouth to speak, but Ichibi pounced on the wolf-lover, clamping her mouth shut with her hands. "Shkuisjskhjsahhflkhsh!" Ichibi hissed.

Dante stopped at a room. He opened the door and found Sebastian lying in the bed, facing the wall opposite the door. Without thinking, he moved toward the bed, turned Sebastian around to face him and then (OMFG GMFH YAOI!) Kissed him.

Sebastian's eyes flew wide, his brain unable to comprehend the new, unknown sensation tingling up and down his spine as a man kissed him.

Dante pulled away, stared at a confused Sebastian before storming out suddenly, pissed off at his own stupidity. "FUCK!" He bellowed.

"FUCK!"

Heads turned up. "Whazzat?" Karo wondered.

Dante stormed downstairs, stopped, glanced around and then stormed away, really pissed off.

Silence.

"He's lost his marbles?" Momo questioned.

Luna nodded. "Looked like it."

Sebastian then ran downstairs, looking confused. "Oh fuck..." Akiri sighed, slamming her palm to her forehead. Sebastian blushed and then ran upstairs.

"What?" Ichibi asked.

Everyone leaned closer to Akiri. Akiri glanced around quickly and then leaned forward. "Dante is gay..." She whispered.

Akuto's jaw dropped. Sani covered his mouth, Komatsu covered his ears, Coco covered his eyes and Toriko faceplanted. Kakashi fainted. (Geez, this ouke really likes the floor). Naruto's jaw dropped, Sasuke and Itachi looked emotionless, Tobi (can't be sure because of the goddamed mask) looked as happy as ever, Kisame buried his head, Ichibi deadpanned, Sakura slapped herself, Luna fainted and Momo vomited in her previously empty cup of coffee.

Umbra shook his head and Akiri nodded. "Yep."

Wolfey threw up. "Oh my God! I'm never letting Sexy Eyes kiss me again!" She leaned back on the couch.

Karo grinned. "Whatcha grinning about, twit?" Akiri asked.

No reply. Karo continued to grin. Wolfey and Akuto got the idea. "Blackmail... You're suck a bitch, Karo." Wolfey snorted.

"Well, you have any other idea?" Karo grinned.

The other two shook their heads.

Dante stormed in suddenly and then stormed upstairs. "WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?!" He barked, stormed downstairs, paused, stared at Akiri, walked over to her, grabbed her and dragged her outside, Umbra clutching Akiri's pants, making it slide off her butt to reveal her pink panty.

Toriko and Coco blushed and slapped themselves. That's until they saw the other doing it and then started to fight about it.

"Don't you have Rin, Toriko?" Wolfey asked.

Silence.

Then suddenly a loud creak and a smash. Someone else was in the room, and it definitely wasn't Rin, because it was not very pleased with its landing.

**Cliffy! Hope you'z enjoyed!**

**So I got the idea for this chapter while chatting with morial otaku, and this popped into place (the yaoi part). Tee hee!**

**Thanks and review!**

**Chapter 10: Jeez, another one? And who dies first?!**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Jeez, another one? And who dies first?!

**A/N: YAY! Chapter 10!**

**Thank you morial otaku for yet again bitching at me to post and reviewing. :P Enjoy and review!**

Wolfey jumped up and stared at the newcomer. "Motherfucking ouch! What the fuck?! Where the fuck am fucking I?"

"Oh Jesus, save our souls!" Ichibi cried. "NOT HIIIIIIIIM!"

Everyone panicked except the Byshokuya, Komatsu and Tobi.

Ichibi ran out, eyes twirled back in her skull out of fear. Akuto dived under the couch, Momo ran upstairs and locked herself in her room. Luna dissapeared behind the curtain. Kisame grabbed Itachi and dived into the kitchen. Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura and Kakashi all dived under the new coffee table.

Akiri walked in, dragging Dante and Umbra (still clunging on her pants) with her. She froze when she saw him. Eyes widened slightly. The two stared at each other before Akiri attacked the newcomer. "DIE FUCKING SATAN SLUT!" She barked, clubbing Hidan over the head uncountable times.

"FUCK! OW! BITCH! OW! OW!" Hidan cried, trying to escape the psychopathic bitch's wrath.

"Yes! Kill it!" Akuto bellowed. Everyone except a screaming Tobi cheered Akiri on.

"NOOO! DONT HURT HIDAN-SEMPAI!" Tobi cried.

Akiri roared and murdered Hidan, which is ironic because he can't die.

After a while, ms psycho gave up on murdering Hidan and dissapeared to the kitchen. Hidan lay there, broken skull, all his ribs broken, his left arm fucked, face bleeding, neck broken, dick fucked, him fucked to the eternity of fucked up ness. "F-hack-hing b-hit-chh!" Hidan cringed.

Everyone stared at Hidan then ignored the immortal bastard and went on with what they were doing.

Hidan continued cursing until Sakura couldn't take it anymore, so she tied him up, healed him and left him cursing and hanging from a tree outside.

The Martin Lawrence security guard burst into the living room, gun in hand, shouting like a madman. "MIESIES, DAAR'S DIE SKELM DAAR BUITE!" He shouted in afrikaans. Meaning there's someone outside.

Unfortunaely, whoever it was ran the Martin Lawrence lookalike over, making him drop his gun that shot out a bullet. The bullet travelled sideways and slammed into Ichibi's skull.

Ichibi dropped dead.

Everyone froze. Akiri walked into the living room and saw Ichibi dead. She glared around at everyone. The Martin Lawrence lookalike security guard stared wide eyed at Ichibi, unable to believe what happened. Then Akiri shouted. "SIPHO! WAT DE FOK HET JY NOU WEER GEDOEN JOU DOM FOK?!" In afrikaans, meaning, Sipho, what the fuck did you do now, you dumb cunt?

Sipho stared at Akiri with eyes wide as tennis balls. "Asseblief miesies! Moenie my fire nie! Die skelm het my gastamp en toe val die gun!"

"Nou waars die bliksemse skelm, Sipho? Laat ek hom kan opfok!" Akiri glared around. Everyone stared wide eyed at the mad woman. Someone backed away. Akiri grabbed the culprit and hoisted him up in the air.

None other than mr Barbie doll. "Oh my lord, its the faggot..." Itachi mumbled.

"Well, well, well, look what we have here." Akiri grinned. "Deidara." She then slammed her fist through Deidara's face and continued to punch Deidara. "YOU - FUCKING - DICK! DIE!"

"Nee miesies! Kalmeer miesies! Moet kom nie slat nie!" Sipho cried. "Miesies moet hom cops toe vat!"

"Hou djou bek Sipho!" Akiri barked. "Fokkof!" She stood up and dropped Deidara.

Wolfey whisteled. "You're on a roll today, Kiki." She commented.

There was silence. Everyone was downstairs. Umbra was quiet. "We can bring her back." Akuto said.

All attention turned to the red head. "How?" Luna asked. "There's a bloody bullet through her brain!" She started crying.

Akuto sighed. "Take the bullet out and heal her nogin." She rolled her eyes.

Everyone stared at Akuto before Sakura rushed to help Ichibi. "It'll take a while before she wakes up." Sakura said after removing the bullet and fixing Ichibi's head.

"Dammit." Akiri cursed and stormed upstairs.

A day passed. Ichibi didn't wake up, but she was breathing. Akuto kept checking up on Ichibi every hour. Akiri stuck to her room with Umbra mostly. For the next few weeks, there was no sign of Ichibi awake, so they still waited.

Akiri was so pissed off, she killed Deidara the day after Ichibi got shot. Apparently, Deidara wasn't even doing anything. Akiri just up, out of her room and fucking knifed Deidara to death. Not a pretty sight, but you get the point?

Tobi looked like he was going to explode any minute, so Momo had locked him in a bathroom for a week. He still lived by somehow eating shampoo and soap. Unfortunately, he had a bad case of dihhorea and bubbles coming out of his ass every time he farted. Smelled like flowers when he was let out.

Komatsu continued to cook whatever was in the kitchen. Fridays and Saturdays are his off days, because they get fast food.

Akiri ordered Toriko and the others to start training just two days after Ichibi died. The next day, Akuto asked if they could build a gym. Akiri agreed and turned around on her bed to go back to sleep.

Umbra merely studied Akiri's condition from a few feet away. Her mood soured every day Akuto or Momo reported Ichibi's condition. After just four days, Akiri had already almost attacked Umbra. She kept snapping at him every so often.

Luna stayed right by Ichibi's side the whole time. She only got up to pee.

The ninjas, except Hidan because he still hung upside down by his testacles from a tree, helped with training, even learing new shit from the others and learning the others a few tricks. Coco was sharinganed twice by Itachi and Sasuke. Sani laughed his ass off and was blasted by Kisame and his watergun jutsu.

Sani then accused Kisame of being a murderous fish and tried to kill him with his hair net.

Akuto, Sebastian, Karo, Wolfey and Momo were basically the only ones busy training. Akiri was sulking, Umbra was being shat on for no reason, Ichibi was unconcious, Luna kept an eye on Ichibi, Sakura checked Ichibi's health status, Hidan hung by his nuts, Deidara's head was stuffed and hung on the wall, Sipho was on abselute final warning, Komatsu was cooking, Naruto was being a retard and Dante was still pissed off with his stupid decision to kiss Sebastian.

Then after a week, Ichibi woke up. Luna freaked out, screamed with joy and ran around shouting at the top of her lungs.

Akiri was having a nightmare at the time whilst asleep on her bed in broad daylight. Another vision.

**Yay! I updated! Now review or Kisame is sushi.**

**Kisame: *runs and hides***

**Me: *rolls eyes* okay, never mind. Let's kill Tobi...**

**Tobi: NOOOOOO! *runs away***

**Me: *sigh* fuck... Let's kill Hidan then.**

**Hidan: you can't kill me bitch!**

**Me: *drowns Hidan* yes, I can. MUAHAHAHA**

**Review!**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Killed living

**A/N: thank you for the review morial otaku! Yes, it is a magical bathroom! That's why Tobi can't escape... And also because the castle has been protected against bad energies, so nothing can escape or enter... Except Tobi's good side...**

**And Ichibi is alive! Don't panic! She's fine!**

**No, Kisame will not become sushi because I hate sushi.**

**Again, enjoy and review!**

Luna continued to scream at the top of her lungs. Wolfey, Akuto, Momo, Karo and Sebastian ran upstairs to see.

Ichibi was awake!

Akiri wasn't able to hear Luna's screaming because she was in a dream trance. Umbra tried his best to wake her up, but then gave up and pinned himself to the bed. Twit.

"OH MY GOD! SHE IS!" Karo barked, flabbergasted.

"Does she even remember anything? She looks stupid." Akuto pointed out. Ichibi's eyes stared off and drool trickled from her chin.

"She dislecsic?" Sebastian asked.

"Not that I know..." Luna mumbled.

"Are you sure you fixed her peanut, Sakura?" Momo questioned. She was busy with a glass of cherry.

Sakura nodded. "She could have become a zombie..." Luna trailed off, backing away.

"Zombie?!" Wolfey yapped, jumping back.

"Impossible!" Akuto barked and pressed her hand to Ichibi's temple. "She feels perfectly fine!"

"She looks dumb." Sasuke pointed out.

Ichibi snapped out of it and glomped Sasuke. "OMG!" She squeaked.

Eyes widened. Ichibi sat up, staring around. "Git off meh..." Sasuke muttered.

"What happened?" Akuto asked. "Did you see a bright light?!" She grabbed Ichibi by her shoulders and shook her like a ragdoll.

Ichibi's head lolled back and forth until Akuto was forced, by Luna with a pencil, to stop. "Whee..." Ichibi's eyes rolled wildly.

Momo slapped Ichibi. "What did you see?" She questioned.

Ichibi pondered. "Well, I did see a bright light... Then I heard bells... Then I was on some fluffy stuff... Then some dude comes up to me and says: 'its not your time yet.' And then I wake up here..."

Wolfey turned to Luna. "You've been out for a week!" Akuto barked.

Ichibi stared at Akuto in confusion. "O...key?" She looked around. "Where's Kiki?"

As if on cue, there was a heart breaking scream from Akiri's room. Everyone ran upstairs, Sebastian at the tollie front. Sebastian ran the door over and skidded to a halt.

Wolfey and Karo followed afterwards and froze. Umbra had dived off the bed in an attempt to save himself from Akiri's thrashing arms.

She was having a nightmare.

"Wait!" Luna hissed, holding Akuto back. Akiri stopped screaming and stared wide eyed at the roof.

"Move." Kisame ordered and brushed past everyone. Dante dove in front of the shark. "What the-? Move!"

"I can't let you touch her, fish-fry." Dante sneered.

"Elp meh..." Umbra whined, hanging off the bed. Akiri had a tight grip on his ankle.

"Move, asshole!" Kisame growled, glaring at Dante with his beady eyes.

"Make me." Dante snarled, removing his two pistols and pointing them at Kisame.

Karo's eyes widened and she panicked. "W-wolfey!" She shouted, grabbing wolfeys arm.

Sebastian stepped forward. "What the hell is your problem?" He questioned Dante. Dante didn't reply, he just glared intently at Kisame. "I fucking asked you a question, Dante!" Sebastian bellowed.

Luna wanted to reach out and run over to Akiri, but she didn't. "Nobody touch her! Don't even wake her!" She cried, face twisted in pain.

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Akuto howled, glaring at Luna.

Toriko tried to enter the room. "She needs to snap out of it! We need to-"

"NO!" Luna barked. She stepped forward, threw her arms out and turned to face everyone else.

"Luna?!" Momo shouted, eyes widened. "Not you too!"

Karo fiddled. "We need to wake her up." She said.

"No." Luna said, turning to Karo. "She needs to wake up on her own."

"Look at her, Luna!" Kakashi bellowed, pointing at Akiri.

Luna's eyes turned down. "I know... I want to wake her up too... But..." She trailed off.

"No one touches her." Dante finished. Akiri screamed again.

Wolfey looked desperate. "What the hell is wrong with her?!" She cried.

Luna turned to look at Akiri. She then sighed. "She's seeing the past." Luna declared.

"How would you know?" Coco questioned.

"Yeah, I'd like to know that too." Momo said, finishing the half glass of cherry in her hand.

"Don't overdo it, Momo." Ichibi sighed.

"Yeah, whatev-shlurrr..." Momo passed out.

Umbra screamed suddenly. All attention returned to him. Akiri had tightened her grip on Umbra's ankle.

"Go help him." Dante said to Luna. Luna nodded and removed Akiri's fingers from Umbra's ankle.

"Stay put." She ordered when Umbra sat on the floor, staring at Akiri. Luna then returned to her original spot. "This..." She trailed off, looking at everyone. "Will take a while."

"Get out." Dante ordered. Akiri screamed.

"I don't think so." Sebastian snarled. Dante pointed one of his guns at Sexy Eyes.

"Don't make me shoot you. I don't think Pinkie there has enough chakra to fix _your_ fucking head." Dante sneered. Sakura blushed slightly. "Get out." Dante ordered again.

Sakura dissapeared out of the room, dragging Ichibi and fast asleep Momo along. Sani backed out with Komatsu, Tobi and Toriko. "Get out." Luna resounded Dante's order.

Wolfey panicked and grabbed Karo, dragging her downstairs. Karo grabbed Naruto on the way out. Itachi, Kisame, Coco, Akuto, Sebastian and Kakashi were the only ones refusing to back off. Akiri continued to cry out in pain.

Sebastian stared down the barrel of the gun rigged at his face. Luna looked to Dante. They nodded at each other in silent aggreement and then lunged. Luna took out Akuto, Coco and Itachi and Dante took out Sebastian, Kakashi and Kisame. "I'll deal with you later..." He whispered in Sebastian's ear.

Luna helped drag the unconcious men out the room and locked the door. "Now we wait?" She asked.

Dante nodded and leaned against the wall. Umbra blushed and massaged his ankle. Apparently he didn't quite enjoy company. Akiri continued to cry out in pain for at least an hour before everything went silent.

Luna looked up from the book she was reading to check on Akiri. She grunted sleepily and sat up, looking around.

"What happened?" Akiri asked.

"KIKI?! ARE YOU OKAY?!" Karo called from behind the door.

Dante stared at Akiri. "What did you see?" He questioned. Akiri's eyes snapped to his.

"Ferda." Was all she said before standing up and leaving the room. Umbra was way too scared to follow her, so he latched himself onto Dante. Why? God knows. Dante stared at Umbra for a few seconds. Umbra blushed slightly. Dante then went downstairs, followed by Luna and a rabble of questions.

"What the hell happened?!" Kisame bellowed.

"Akiri!" Dante barked. He found her in the kitchen, making herself coffee. "Ferda, right? The girl you only had a slight sliver of dream about?" He questioned. Akiri nodded.

Umbra whined slightly. Dante's voice was rougher than Akiri's slightly delicate tone. He flinched every time Dante shouted. "This time... This time..." Akiri trailed off.

Dante sat down on one of the chairs, patting his lap. Umbra stared at him for a few seconds before his brain comprehended. He blushed and slowly sat down on Dante's knee, back facing the white haired man. Karo rubbed her eyes, unable to believe what she was seeing.

"This time..." Akiri's hands shook. "I felt like I was that girl... Ferda..." Her voice was soft. "She... She showed me what she went through..."

"Yes?" Dante turned to Akiri after she paused for too long.

"There was a war." Akiri stared off. "Her side won... The good side... But..."

Wolfey cocked her head to the side. Everyone stood at the door, listening and wondering what the hell Akiri was talking about. Luna leaned against the table, her full attention to Akiri.

"She changed." Akiri finished. "Her soul was different..."

Luna got something. "Karo, my room, black bookshelf, bottom shelf, the first red book from the right." She ordered.

Karo yipped and ran upstairs to find the requested book. "What do you need a book for?" Ichibi asked, cocking her head to the side like Wolfey.

"I've heard that story, better yet..." Luna's gaze never left the wall. "Read about it."

"Medieval Stories-" Dante started.

"Ferda?" Karo questioned as she walked into the kitchen and handed Luna the slim novel.

"By an unknown author." Luna sighed. Akiri sat down at the table. "You mind if I read this aloud?" Luna asked to Akiri.

Akiri nodded. "Go ahead." She said.

"Let's go to the living room then." Luna huffed, leaving the kitchen.

Everyoned followed her and sat on the couches. Thank whoever that Akiri had organized more couches.

"Medieval Stories: Ferda..." Luna started, opening the book. "I wish they'd make a movie about this." She sighed.

Tobi was slap happy and excited. "Yay! Story time! Tobi likes stories!" Akuto whacked him upside the head.

Luna began reading. Akiri leaned her head back on the couch after placing her coffee on the table. Dante let Umbra sit between his legs. Sebastian glared at the scene, jealous, but confused at his jealousy.

"'There's a man without.' Called one of the gate guards from atop the watchtower looking down to the castle gate. 'Inform his Majesty!' He ordered.

Another guard nodded and dashed away to the throne room. The hallways were decorated with beautiful tapestries of fantasy creatured. The guard knocked on the door to the throne room. He heard arguing coming from inside the throne room.

'Kill him!' A woman yelled. 'Kill him now!'

'My liege! I plead for mercy!' A man cried. The guard opened the door slightly to peak in. The leutenant of the guard stood behind a man in chains, tears streamed down his face. The king stared at him from atop his throne, thinking.

'Sir, if you won't kill him, then-'

'Silence, Leutenant!' The leutenant stared in disbelief at the king. He stood up and paced back and forth, still deep in thought. 'He may be a criminal, but yet, do you have proof that it was he who murdered Jeremy, Ferda?' The leutenant's breath hitched and she stared in disbelief at the king. 'This man doesn't have that look in his eyes.'

'Sir! I found him leaning over Jeremy's body!'

'Does that mean he did it? He could have walked by, found him dead and then tried to examine him.'

Ferda stared at the king, unable to speak or breathe. She sighed, turned around and walked out of the throne room. The guard jumped out of the way. Ferda closed the huge doors and stormed off to her quarters. Her eyes were half glazed over and dull as she walked on deep in thought, she didn't even notice anyone. Ferda felt a slight bump and stopped.

'Oh! Leutenant! I-i'm so sorry!' Gerald, the librarian squeaked. Ferda turned and looked at him. He was crouched low on his knee.

She thought for a few moments while staring at the young man. 'Come with me.' Ferda said and walked on. Gerald stood up and followed behind, confused. The guard followed them. He caught another guard and relayed the message to the king before following Ferda and Gerald to the library.

The huge wooden doors closed just as he rounded the corner. He cursed softly and then pressed his ear to the wood.

'The guards say there's someone outside.' Gerald said. The guard peeked through the keyhole. Ferda was seated on one of the chairs while Gerald restacked some books.

'Any idea who it is?' Ferda questioned. Gerald shook his head.

The guard left, remembering that he had to return to his post."

"What has this guard got to do with Ferda?" Akuto questioned.

Luna glared at Akuto for interrupting her. "Can I continue?"

**NOPE! You'll have to wait till chapter 12 to hear or read the rest of the story. Its a short book, only like fifteen pages... But no ja. I hope you enjoyed and review for chapter 12!**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Leutenant Ferda. Towels?

**A/N: YOSH! I had to update, seeing as I haven't for quite some time. Here's chapter 12, all ready for you to enjoy!**

**This chapter may seem longer than normal, because I added something that some people will like!**

**Enjoy and review!**

**Tobi: isn't mari-san supposed to do the disclaimer?**

**Me: *hauls Tobi's ass into an inescapable freezer* die lollipop bitch. *evil grin***

Recap!

Luna began reading. Akiri leaned her head back on the couch after placing her coffee on the table. Dante let Umbra sit between his legs. Sebastian glared at the scene, jealous, but confused at his jealousy.

"'There's a man without.' Called one of the gate guards from atop the watchtower looking down to the castle gate. 'Inform his Majesty!' He ordered.

Another guard nodded and dashed away to the throne room. The hallways were decorated with beautiful tapestries of fantasy creatured. The guard knocked on the door to the throne room. He heard arguing coming from inside the throne room.

'Kill him!' A woman yelled. 'Kill him now!'

'My liege! I plead for mercy!' A man cried. The guard opened the door slightly to peak in. The leutenant of the guard stood behind a man in chains, tears streamed down his face. The king stared at him from atop his throne, thinking.

'Sir, if you won't kill him, then-'

'Silence, Leutenant!' The leutenant stared in disbelief at the king. He stood up and paced back and forth, still deep in thought. 'He may be a criminal, but yet, do you have proof that it was he who murdered Jeremy, Ferda?' The leutenant's breath hitched and she stared in disbelief at the king. 'This man doesn't have that look in his eyes.'

'Sir! I found him leaning over Jeremy's body!'

'Does that mean he did it? He could have walked by, found him dead and then tried to examine him.'

Ferda stared at the king, unable to speak or breathe. She sighed, turned around and walked out of the throne room. The guard jumped out of the way. Ferda closed the huge doors and stormed off to her quarters. Her eyes were half glazed over and dull as she walked on deep in thought, she didn't even notice anyone. Ferda felt a slight bump and stopped.

'Oh! Leutenant! I-i'm so sorry!' Gerald, the librarian squeaked. Ferda turned and looked at him. He was crouched low on his knee.

She thought for a few moments while staring at the young man. 'Come with me.' Ferda said and walked on. Gerald stood up and followed behind, confused. The guard followed them. He caught another guard and relayed the message to the king before following Ferda and Gerald to the library.

The huge wooden doors closed just as he rounded the corner. He cursed softly and then pressed his ear to the wood.

'The guards say there's someone outside.' Gerald said. The guard peeked through the keyhole. Ferda was seated on one of the chairs while Gerald restacked some books.

'Any idea who it is?' Ferda questioned. Gerald shook his head.

The guard left, remembering that he had to return to his post."

"What has this guard got to do with Ferda?" Akuto questioned.

Luna glared at Akuto for interrupting her. "Can I continue?" Silence fell. Luna continued.

"After a while, Ferda leaned back in her chair, staring up at the ceiling. A messenger arrived, apparently it was urgent, so Gerald let him in. 'Leutenant sir! The king has requested your presence immediately! Along with the librarian, Gerald sir!' The messenger squeaked before dashing away.

Ferda stood up and turned to Gerald. 'Think its that important?' She huffed. Gerald shrugged and followed her to the throne room.

The king looked disturbed when they entered. 'Leutenant.' He greeted.

'Your majesty.' Ferda bowed. 'What is so urgent?' She questioned.

The king stood up and began pacing back and forth. 'A man has been found outside the castle walls.'

'I've heard that, sir.' The leutenant sighed.

'It turns out he was a diviner.' The king continued. Ferda's eyes widened and Gerald gasped. 'Yes.' The king nodded, noting their expressions. 'He brought news of a coming war.' He finished, returning to his throne.

Ferda didn't look at the king. 'What do you wish us to do, sir?' She asked.

'Get the men ready...' The king trailed off. 'We don't know how big the war is, or how long it will go on for.'

Ferda nodded and left. She immediately exited to the courtyard, past the stalls to the barracks."

"Can we skip to past the war?" Ichibi asked. "I don't like imagining war much..." She shivered.

Luna rolled her eyes, as did Akuto. "I'm reading this shit afterwards though." Akuto said. Luna started to page through the book. She stopped and then continued.

"'Leutenant?' Gerald asked, walking behind Ferda. She didn't reply, just continued forth to the throne room in silence. Her mood had changed in the past week, she wasn't the same.

The throne room was empty, no servants scurried about. Ferda walked up to the throne and lay the crown of the deceased king on the throne."

"Wait?! They lost?!" Tobi shouted.

Luna sighed. "If Ichibi had let me read the war part, then you'd underdstand." She rolled her eyes. "Both sides lost their king, but the other lost their leutenant too."

"Oh... So Ferda-chan's side won?" Tobi scratched his head in confusion.

"Yes!" Luna barked. Umbra jumped slightly at Luna's raised voice. Dante chuckled. Momo snorted in her sleep and then continued to snore loudly.

Akuto rolled her eyes. "Continue!" She called.

"Well, I can't..." Luna explained.

"Why?" Tobi asked.

"That's the end."

"WHAT?!" Ichibi, Naruto and Sasuke (surprisingly) barked in unison.

"Yep." Luna snapped the book shut.

"You morons made her skip the best part." Karo mused. Wolfey sighed and stood up. "Where you going?" Karo questioned.

"Whaddaya think?" Wolfey turned and left upstairs.

Akiri was fast asleep. Her coffee started cooling. There was silence, except for Momo's loud and obnoxious snoring.

Umbra then jumped up with a squeak, blushing like a maniac. "What?" Akuto questioned. She then saw Dante, grinning and staring at Umbra's back. "Oh..." Akuto rolled her eyes.

"So what happened while I was out?" Ichibi asked.

"Meh... Kiki's been in a sour mood the whole time, we've been training with these douches, there's a gym being built, Tobi was locked in the bathroom-"

Just as Karo said it, Tobi let rip with a fwrrrt and several bubbled. Ichibi stared at Tobi. "Oopsie..."

"He ate shampoo and soap..." Akuto sighed. "Because someone forgot to let him out after he peed."

"Not me!" Karo yapped.

Umbra yipped when he was dragged down and was yet again sitting between Dante's legs. Luna rolled her eyes and dissapeared upstairs.

Ichibi then saw Deidara's head on the wall. "WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL?!" She screamed, pointing at it.

Akuto turned to look at Deidara's stuffed head. "Oh that? Kiki killed him after he ran Sipho over, letting the gun drop that shot you."

"And Sipho? Who is Sipho, by the way?" Ichibi asked.

"That's the black security guard with red hair." Said Toriko.

"The Martin Lawrence lookalike." Said Karo.

"Ah..." Ichibi nodded in understanding. "What happened to him?" She questioned.

"Final warning." Akuto muttered. "Kiki then, just because I was sniggering, said Sipho is my brother because we both have red hair."

Ichibi burst out into uncontrollable fits of laughter. Wolfey returned with her bong. "Why's she laughing?! Did she get some before me?! Where's she hiding it?!" Wolfey dashed downstairs and attacked Ichibi, accedentally slipping and landing with a loud crash on Ichibi on the couch, sending the two, along with the couch and everyone else that included Tobi, Karo, Sasuke and Naruto, flipping over.

Akiri stirred from her sleep, stared at the fiasco, ordered them to clean it and then returned to sleeping.

Sebastian's attention that was on the floor for the whole of the story, returned to Dante and Umbra. His eyes widened. Everyone else's attention was on the fallen couch. Dante's arm was around Umbra's waist and he was cooing in the poor emo kid's ear. Emo kid was blushing blood red from head to toe and Sebastian couldn't understand why he felt jealous!

Akiri was fast asleep, as was Momo, snoring as loudly as a bloody bumble bee in your ear.

Ichibi and Wolfey got up and helped everyone else up. They then returned the large couch to its original position before everyone either sat back down or dissapeared outside to go train.

"What are you staring at?" Dante asked Sebastian from over Umbra's left shoulder. Sebastian responded by snorting and standing up to leave for his room. "Where are you going? I said I'd deal with you later." Dante grinned.

Sebastian blushed and zoomfed upstairs, blasting past Luna, sending the poor girl spinning like a tornado. Sebastian then locked himself in his room, leaning against the door, panting. His heart was racing.

Luna dropped from the stairs, eyes spinning. Ichibi stared at the stairs, confused. She then stared at Dante and then rolled her eyes. "Flikker." She said.

"Watch your tongue, keewonkeye." Dante warned.

Ichibi glared at him. "What the hell is keewonkeye?" Akuto questioned.

"It means skew eyes." Karo muttered.

"Why would I have skew eyes?" Ichibi asked.

Momo started singing suddenly... "Ich bin Schnappi, das kleine Krokodil.

Komm aus Agypten, das liegt direkt am Nil.

Zuerst lag ich in einem Ei,

dann schni-,schna-,schnappte ich mich frei."

"Oh my lord, she's singing in German!" Akuto howled. Akiri jumped awake and chimed in.

"Schni Schna Schnappi

Schnappi Schnappi Schnapp

Schni Schna Schnappi

Schnappi Schnappi Schnapp!"

Akuto covered her ears. "Nooo!" She wailed, running out of the living room.

"Ich bin Schnappi, das kleine Krokodil,

hab scharfe Zähne, und davon ganz schön viel.

Ich schnapp mir was ich schnappen kann,

ja ich schnapp zu, weil ich das so gut kann.

Schni Schna Schnappi

Schnappi Schnappi Schnapp

Schni Schna Schnappi

Schnappi Schnappi Schnapp!"

Dante rolled his eyes and whispered something to Umbra, who looked like a thermometer. He then stood up with Dante following suit and then the both of them dissapeared upstairs. (Oh mein gott im himmel...) The two half sleepy girls continued to sing Schnappi das kleine krokodil.

Everyone else dissapeared to outside where they continued to train.

Meanwhile, Umbra followed Dante up the stairs to Akiri's room, where Dante pinned Umbra to the wall and kissed him. (SKIP IF YOU DONT LIKE GRAPHIC YAOI SCENES! NOW! You'll see a (end of yaoi) at the end of the yaoi part...)

Umbra blushed at the sudden strange sensation in his mouth and grunted lightly. Dante moved away from the younger man's lips and latched his mouth to Umbra's neck. Umbra gasped and jumped slightly.

Dante nipped at Umbra's neck, sending ice cold blocks of ice running up and down Umbra's spine. His hand traveled downward and grasped Umbra's growing member.

Umbra gasped and groaned lightly. (This is my second time writing a yaoi scene, so this is embarrassing for me, because I'm giggling like a guppy! And I'm a girl! OMFG YAOI!) Dante tugged at Umbra's pants, trying to loosen them. He moved back to Umbra's lips for another rather passionate kiss. He finally loosened the younger man's pants and slid his hand under the fabric that covered Umbra's member.

Dante lightly massaged Umbra while kissing him. He pulled the younger toward the bed, turning them around before laying the both of them down. He latched himself onto Umbra's neck again.

Umbra panted from lack of air and grunted every so often Dante slid his thumb over the opening of his shaft. He whined when Dante removed his hand. "Take off your clothes." Dante ordered voice husky as he sat up. Umbra blushed and slowly started to remove every article of clothing from his body until he was left naked.

Dante then removed what he had on, which was only pants and shoes and his underwear. Again, Umbra blushed, staring at Dante's manhood. (Oh my gawd... I'm giggling too much!)

Outside the room, Sebastian, driven by curiosity, because he saw Umbra and Dante walk past his room, followed them upstairs to Akiri's room and stared at the scene whilts trying to hide. He gulped, starting to drool with envy and lust. Itachi found him peeking into Akiri's room whilst on his way to fetch something from Akiri's room, so he peeked too when Sebastian told him to keep quiet. Both the peeping Toms watched as Dante leaned over Umbra and start trailing kisses down the younger man's body.

Umbra's eyes were half lidded as Dante tentatively licked his member. He gasped. Itachi and Sebastian, thanks to the bed being right in front of the door and in plain sight, gulped as they watched the scene, both of them getting hard-ons.

Dante licked Umbra's dick one more time before taking it in his mouth. Umbra gasped loudly and clutched at the bedsheets. Itachi's jaw clattered onto Sebastian's head. "How does he fit _that _in _there_?!" He hissed to Sebastian. Sebastian shrugged and they continued to watch.

Umbra's eyes were shut tight as Dante bobbed his head up and down. Umbra ground his teeth, he's never felt any pleasure like this before.

Akiri stared up at the ceiling of the kitchen, waiting for Itachi to return with her bag of magical shit, which included fairy dust, incense, candles, precious stones, a knife, a bottle of spring water and various preserved plants and ingredients. Akuto, Ichibi, Luna and Karo were chilling in the lounge, Momo fast asleep and Wolfey outside smoking bong while watching the ninjas and the byshokuya train. Komatsu was in the kitchen, cooking.

Upstairs, Itachi had forgotten all about Akiri's sack of magic tricks and watched the yaoi scene in front of him. Dante let go of Umbra's member, Umbra whining again at the loss of contact.

Dante, knowing how Akiri is when she's horny and Umbra's in the bathroom showering, opened the drawer of the bedside table and retrieved a bottle of lube. He squeezed a little bit onto his hand and returned the lube. He then devided the lube and used one hand to lubricate his dick and the other to ready Umbra for the intrusion.

Umbra yipped when Dante slid the first finger in and wriggled it about. Sebastian grabbed his own throbbing member from outside his pants and tried to crush it. He wasn't supposed to get horny about it! God Dammit! Itachi started drooling on Sebastian's head, but he didn't notice. (And don't tell him!)

"Shh, it'll only hurt a little." Dante cooed softly in Umbra's ear as he inserted another digit. Umbra yipped again and moaned in pain, trying to get used to the sudden intrusion.

Akiri started to wonder what happened with Itachi. "Dude, I swear he got lost in your panties, dude." Karo said, entering the kitchen.

"Psh, obvious dagga talk, Baby-Cakes." Akiri snorted and stood up. There was a sudden, loud groan from upstairs. Akiri bolted upstairs. She saw Itachi and Sebastian peeking into her room. They both turned to her and motioned for her to keep quiet.

Curious, Akiri slinked forward and peeked into her room as well. Her jaw clattered to the floor, eyes wide.

"Mmh... Y-you can move now..." Umbra mumbled. Dante started slowly. He pulled out and then seathed himself again.

Akiri started drooling uncontrollably, as if the scene were a juicy piece of meat. She slobbered all over the floor. Karo had her camera ready before she even saw the scene.

"Hmmm? What was that?" Dante asked.

"F-faster, please..." Umbra begged, blushing. Dante furrowed his eyebrows.

"Are you sure?" He asked. Umbra nodded. Dante latched his lips onto Umbra's before slamming into him. Umbra grunted in surprise and pleasure, unable to let out a moan.

Dante pulled away from the kiss and trailed kisses up and down Umbra's neck while his still slammed into the younger male. Umbra moaned uncontrollably, panting, eyes half lidded with lust. Sebastian shut his eyes, unwilling to see any more. Itachi continued to drool on Sebastian's head and even started dry humping him, but Sebastian said nothing in case they were heard.

Karo and Akiri's jaws were both stuck to the floor, drooling pools of water, Karo recording the whole thing.

"Fuck..." Dante grunted, grabbing Umbra's member and fisting him. They both came at the same time, Umbra on his stomach and Dante's chest, Dante in Umbra.

Panting, Dante stared down at Umbra, flustered, blushing and tired. He looked for something to clean them and found one of Akiri's black towels.

Akiri's jaw, if it could, slammed even father into the ground, her lips muttered silently: my towel.

Dante collapsed next to Umbra. He then pulled the covers over them both, pulled Umbra to his chest and they both fell asleep.

(end of yaoi)

Akiri jabbed her jaw back and turned to Karo, she then closed the door and dragged the three of them downstairs. "What the fuck?!" She squealed.

"What happened?" Akuto asked.

Karo handed Akuto the camera. She, Ichibi and Luna huddled around it to watch. "I need some fresh air..." Akiri said, storming out of the house. Sebastian put his hands on his head, felt wetness and then cursed Itachi for drooling on him, storming away to wash his hair.

On the way outside, Akiri saw everyone else seated at the table, chatting. She reached the fresh air of the cool night and breathed in, trying to clear her head. Ichibi, Akuto and Luna's screams were heard. Wolfey's scream was heard too. She then dashed outside and went nuts. "Kap hom sleep in the living room, nigga!" She barked.

"Why the hell in my fucking room?!" Akiri questioned.

Hidan shouted curses at Akiri. "Oi bitch! Get me down here!"

Akiri paused, stared at Hidan, ignored him and then went inside with wolfey to enjoy supper. Hidan deadpanned.

"Fucking Jashin dammit." Hidan muttered.

**SQUEE! That's it for this chapter! I hope you enjoyed it! Mostly all the yaoi lovers!**

**Reviews and tell me if I should let Hidan down from the tree!**

**Hidan: my nuts are fucking killing me**

**Me: *grins wickedly***

**Hidan: she's fucking nuts! Lemme the fuck down from fucking here!**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: Memorable training starts...

**A/N: this chapter will be kind of short, because its the normal chapters...**

**Anyway, enjoy and review! And thanks for the reviews! I noticed the reviews jumped all of the sudden, which is good! Thanks hooligan for reviewing! I'm so happy! Now I can post more! I hope to get reviews from more than just two people who enjoy this story!**

Akiri, having not slept in her room, was in one helluva sour mood when she woke up. She sat up from the bed in Itachi's room and got up to make coffee, but heard a crunch and a scream. She had stepped on Tobi's hand. Rolling her eyes, she dissapeared off to the kitchen, ignoring Tobi's crying.

Itachi woke up and pnwed Tobi. He got up and descended downstairs to catch his coffee. "I'm never sleeping in the same bed as _you_ again." Akiri grumbled, one eye closed as she tried to wake up. "You fucking snore too much, wheezel."

Karo appeared soon after, stumbling into the kitchen without momentum and grace. She fell flat on her face. (Hey that rhymed!)

Then everyone else entered the kitchen, slowly, really slowly. And then Akuto had to be stupid and 'accedentally' tripped over Kisame's outstretched leg while he sat on one of the chairs. Akuto's mug of coffee flew from her hand, she smashed to the floor, the mug traveled forwards, all contents still in it, spinning all the way and crashing into Kakashi's head. Kakashi yipped in surprise and fainted, knocking Naruto's coffee all over the poor idiot's hand.

Naruto screamed in pain and gripped his hand, dashing around the kitchen like a madman. He ran Itachi over, who in turn faceplanted really hard, letting his coffee spill all over Toriko's leg. Toriko barked in surprise and, because Itachi never adds cold milk or water, Toriko gripped his burnt leg and kicked Momo in the backside, sending her flying over the table, knocking cups of coffee off the table left and right. She just held onto her glass of whiskey. When she landed, the whiskey was still fine.

Everyone else, however, wasn't. Sasuke screamed in agonizing pain, gripping his nuts where the hot coffee had spilt. He tripped over his own feet whilst trying to stand the fuck up and fell sideways, knocking Ichibi out of her seat, who then knocked Sakura out of her seat and onto the floor.

Kisame, with coffee all over his hand when he tried to catch his mug, but failed, jumped around on one leg, eyes wide. He slammed into Coco, standing near one of the counters, who's mug dropped out of his hands and landed with a crash on Wolfey's foot. Wolfey screamed and attacked the nearest person by biting, and that happened to be Karo. A bitchfight broke out between them. Luna tried to stop them, but got punched accross the room, landing with a crash into Sebastian, who passed out from the quick lack of air. Sebastian's foot tripped a passing by Sani, who slammed into the floor, ruining his face.

He screamed, gripping his face. "MY BEAUT'FULL FACE!" He then ran Komatsu over on the way out to a bathroom mirror. Komatsu, after being trampled on, tried to make his way to the stove to start breakfast, but was kicked in the gut by Karo as she and Wolfey still fought. Komatsu was sent flying into Tobi, who crashed into Dante, who crashed into Umbra, making him squeak and crash into Akiri, knocking her coffee over.

Sipho, the Martin Lawrence lookalike security guard, ran in and started barking about Hidan escaping. Akiri turned around really slowly.

All bickering and panicking and dominoing and blikseming stopped immediately.

Akiri glared at everyone. Sebastian gulped, Itachi covered his head, Kisame covered his nuts, Wolfey blocked her ears and Karo shut her eyes.

Then, surprisingly, shocking everyone there, even Sipho, Akiri barked with laughter.

"Wuh?!" Momo, still clutching her whiskey asked, confused.

"Slapstick!" Akiri howled. Karo and Wolfey caught it and joined in with the laughter.

"Hey, oukes, where's Umbra's clothing?" Akuto questioned. All attention turned to Umbra, only in his underwear.

Umbra blushed suddenly, shut his eyes, stood up and dashed for safety to get dressed. Unfortunately, with his eyes shut, he couldn't see where the fuck he was going, so he slammed into the wall, just six centemeters from the door. Akiri burst out in mad, uncontrollable, howling fits of laughter.

Everyone else could either not help it or found it hilarious, so they too barked with laughter. Umbra was knocked out, a lump forming on his forehead.

"Now that..." Akuto couldn't breathe. "That's what I call..." She barked with laughter. "A wall se poes klap!" She screamed, tears rolling down her face as she continued to laugh her ass off.

Sipho was rolling on the floor, unable to control laughter.

When everyone calmed down, Akiri turned to Sipho. "Ja, Sipho, wat het nou weer gebeur?" She asked.

"Eish... Nou moet ak weer dink, miesies..." Sipho scratched his head. "Oh ja! Die man hy was hang daar in die boom, hyt weggekom!"

"Wat?!" Akiri's eyes widened. "Wil jy nou vir my foken se dat die poes sy knater-kolle los geknoop het, die net gebreek het en toe gefokkof?!"

"Ja, miesies! Ek had hom gasien!" Sipho exclaimed. "Hy had innie huis in gaharkloop toe miesies-halle nog besag was met baklei!"

Akiri rolled her eyes. "Dankie, Sipho, jy kan maar terug gaan." Sipho dissapeared out the back door. Akiri counted to ten. "HIDAN!" She barked, storming off. Wind whipped through the house like a bloody tornado, sending everyone flying around. She found Hidan in one of the first floor bathrooms, clutching onto the towel rack for dear life as the wind tried to tornado him to poes and donker.

Hidan was screaming like a lunatic, trying to save himself. Akiri lashed out and grabbed his ankle, pulling him away from the bathroom and down to the living room. There, the wind died down. Ninjas, normal people and byshokuya were strewn about on couches, cupboards, the floor, through open windows, in the kitchen, on the table, jho, even Itachi was in a pickle as he hung on the chandelier.

Akiri glared down at Hidan. "You're so dead..." She growled. "And I'll stuff your head with everything _but_ a fucking brain!"

"You can't kill me, bitch! I'm fucking immortal!" Hidan howled.

"Not if I cast a spell." Akiri boasted, folding her arms over her chest. "And besides, that fucking god of yours, what was his name?" Akiri pondered for a few moments. "Jasmine?"

"JASHIN! YOU FUCKING HEATHEN BITCH!" Hidan bellowed.

"Yeah yeah, what the fuck ever. He's a faggot." Akiri finished, leaving the living room to go outside. "Training! Everyone out of the house in ten minutes!" She barked.

Itachi screamed as the chandelier detatched itself from the ceiling. They were sent crashing to the ground, which was around ten meters away. Hidan was the pood sucked who got crushed by the chandelier as Itachi poofed away.

Akuto giggled. "Long drop!"

"EIGHT MINUTES!" Akiri barked from outside. Everyone jumped up, except Kakashi, who had passed out again and Hidan who was squ-ahsed. They then dashed outside to start training, or well continue...

Akiri stood waiting for them with a sword in each hand. "Ermm... Kiki?" Wolfey panicked.

"RIGHT! Everyone front and left!" Akiri barked.

"That's front and center..." Karo corrected.

"NOW!" Akiri looked seriously scary, as if she was going to kill everyone if they didn't listen. "Right!" She barked again, pacing back and forth in front of her small gallion of troops. "Firstly, this war cannot, and I mean, NOT, be won by simply sending out the ninjas and byskokuya."

Toriko and Coco cocked their heads to the side. "And why not?" Sani questioned, looking insulted.

Akiri glared at him. "Because youra a fucking unicorn with fairy wings stuck up your fucking arse, now shut the fuck up!" She barked. Sani clapped his jaw shut. "Secondly, you miserable morons don't even have a single fucking braincell in your fucking heads with the fucking knowledge on how to fight with swords and shields!"

Naruto snorted. "We know how to use weapons-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Akiri smashed her fist into Naruto's face. She then straightened herself. "This war, from what I've fucking seen, is a war of magic."

Karo and Wolfey's eyes widened. "What the hell?!" Akuto exclaimed.

"Oh yes." Akiri turned her back to them. "Karo, Wolfey, Sebastian, Umbra, Akuto, Ichibi, Momo and Luna, step forward." She ordered.

The ones called for weren't really sure if they were going to 'step forward', in fear of Akiri slicing their heads off with the creepy looking swords.

Akiri turned around. "NOW!" She barked. Panicked, sweat drops forming on their faces, they tentatively stepped out of the group, each gulping in turn. Once they had formed a line, Akiri examined their faces. "You have quite the problem, seeing as you lot haven't got any abilities or training whatsoever." She explained and stuck the swords in the ground. She clicked her fingers.

"W-what is that?" Karo asked, staring wide eyed at a white thing behind Akiri.

"That's our judge for this evening." Akiri said, turning to the specter behind her. "Welcome, Hannebel." She greeted and then turned to face the others. "He's here to determine what your abilities could possibly be and then take notes of it."

Confused faces stared at Akiri. Ichibi coked her head to the side. "And then?"

"He takes the results to a higher power to be able to grant you your powers." Akiri explained. She turned to Hannebel, the specter. "Shall we start?"

There was an eerie grunt and then Akiri turned to the eight people. She then removed her swords from the ground and pointed one at Ichibi.

"You first, come along." Akiri ordered. "The other seven of you, stay where you are, all others go fuck off or watch." She barked.

The backyard was huge, no, enormous, almost like a giant mountain size, but slightly smaller. Akiri led Ichibi, shaking from head to toe, to the center of the grassy field. She then stopped, turned and tossed one of the swords to Ichibi. The specter loomed close, taking notes on a piece of paper.

Ichibi caught the sword at its hilt and stared wide eyed at Akiri. "Block me." Is all the mad, psychopath said before she lunged at Ichibi. Ichibi panicked and dropped the sword, bolting for her life. Akiri blocked her path by jumping in front of the panicked, short fuck.

Eyes wide, Ichibi stared at Akiri. "K-kiki! Don't k-kill meh!" She cried.

"Then imagine I'm an enemy and block my attacks!" Akiri barked.

Ichibi backed away and retrieved the sword, still shaking as if she had just gotten out of freezing water. She pictured Akiri as a mad psycho trying to kill her. Akiri attacked again.

This time, Ichibi blocked the attack and somersaulted over Akiri, pointing the tip of her sword at Akiri's back. Akiri grinned. "That's better. NEXT!" She barked.

Ichibi's eyes widened. "Whatta hell? Is that all?!" She cried.

"Yes." Akiri took the sword away. "KARO!" She barked.

**That's it for this chapter! Hope you enjoyed it! Reviews please!**

**Hidan: why was my nuts tied?**

**Luna: Sakura did it, apparently...**

**Momo: creative**

**Sasuke: I still can't get over coffee spilling on my nuts...**

**Kisame: talking about nuts, where's the nut who's writing the fanfic?**

**Me: *scares kisame by attacking him from behind* here I am!**

**Kisame: *screams and runs away***

**Everyone else: *rolls eyes***

**Me: hahahaha! Reviews!**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: Now and never again.

**A/N: A thousand thanks for all your lovely reviews! Here's chapter 14 for all of you free of charge!**

**Enjoy and review!**

**Please, review... I seriously need more reviews or Kisame isn't going to leave me the hell alone. At the moment, I have locked him in the freezer with multiple chains, nuts and bolts...**

_Training starts with a clang at castle Drackon. Akiri had summoned a spirit to help her judge the abilities of her normal friends. Ichibi had already been tested and now she moves on to the next person, Karo. While everyone else watches from a distance, Akiri launches into various attacks to test speed, agility and possible power._

Karo stared wide eyed at her older sister, unable and unwilling to move, because she could be killed instantly. Momo shoved her forward, Karo yipped and tripped over her own foot and faceplanted.

When she got up, her face was covered in mud, the mud was thanks to the constant rain for a while. "GET OVER HERE!" Akiri barked. Startled, Karo jumped and ran over, not wanting to see the end result if she _didn't _move. Akiri handed her one of the swords when she stopped and stared at the ground, scared to look up at her crazy, psychopathic sister. Hesitantly, she took the sword, watching Akiri's feet as they shifted suddenly.

Akiri didn't give her chance to move, because she attacked Karo. She swung low, allowing her sister to move and flick her wrists out in an attempt to knock the sword from Akiri's hands. Startled but not dropping the sword just yet, Akiri spun on her toes and kneed Karo in the stomach, sending her jumping back a few paces.

Dante watched in amazement. "This is going to take a while." He grinned.

"They're sparring like the two of you did!" Akuto squeaked. Momo clutched tightly onto her bottle of sherry, unable to take her eyes off the fight.

Unlike Ichibi's fight, Karo reacted to Akiri's attacks by striking back. Karo and Akiri practically danced on their toes to an unheard ballet tune. Akiri twirled and slammed the heel of her foot into Karo's gut, sending her sprawling on the ground, unable to move. She grinned and picked up the other sword. "NEXT!" She barked. "Akuto!"

Akuto yipped and dove behind Luna. Dante grabbed her collar and dragged her over to Akiri. Karo collected herself and walked to the audience. Ichibi waited for her and thundered her with questions. "Are you hurt?" She asked.

"I'm fine..." Karo mused.

Akiri tossed the sword to Akuto, who caught it on the blade and cut herself. She barked in surprise and dropped the sword. Akiri lunged at the redhead.

Akuto jumped and someraulted overhead, landing a punch in Akiri's back. Akiri choked and reered around, slicing through the fabric on Akuto's back. Akuto groaned as a thin line of blood appeared on her back.

But that didn't stop her from lunging at Akiri. Her emotion turned from fear to fire in an instant and she attacked the taller girl. Akiri, however, swiftly dodged every punch thrown her way. She then saw an opening and bonked Akuto on her head, sending her crumbling to the ground, gripping her head in pain.

"NEXT!" Akiri barked, picking the discarded sword up. Akuto's hands ached where the blade cut into her palms. She stood up and walked off of the training field. "Momo!" Akiri called.

Momo dropped her bottle of sherry, eyes widening. Her eyes then darted from side to side, mentally trying to figure out a way to avoid being killed. Akuto reached her and paused. "Just forget about being afraid, dude." She said and walked to the onlookers.

"MOMO!" Akiri called, impatient. Momo's eyes turned to her possible waiting death and she gulped. She prayed to heaven and all above that she didn't die as she walked over to Akiri.

Akiri handed Momo the sword and waited a few breaths before attacking. Momo's eyes widened, then her senses twisted, her mind shot blank, her legs moved without her knowledge and the next thing she knew, she saw in another colour, black paws pinning Akiri's arms down under her.

Everyone stared at Momo in shock, even the spirit moved a little closer to inspect. Akiri's eyes widened. Momo had transformed into a huge-ass panther.

"..." Dante was speechless, wait, no, everyone was speechless.

Momo snapped back into her head and saw herself pinning Akiri to the ground. She yipped and jumped off, landing with grace a few meters away. She wondered why she was on all fours and stared down at herself. Surprised, shocked and completely fuck knows what, she twirled around and tried to examine herself.

"That... was unexpected." Akiri said, standing up. She turned to the spirit. "Did you notice anything beforehand, Hannebel?" She questioned.

Hannebel nodded. "It was just a sliver, but it was there."

Momo yipped and transfromed back to her normal self, butt naked. All eyes were on the naked kitty cat, and Momo wasn't enjoying it. She darted inside within a few seconds and dashed up to her room. To hide or not to hide, its beside my knowledge.

Akiri then stuck the two swords in the ground and sat down. "FIVE MINUTE BREAK!" She barked.

This sent panicked whispers among the remaining people to be tested. Sebastian wasn't very enthusiastic about being killed, Umbra's eyes darted around, Luna gulped loudly and wished Wolfey or any of the others would go before her and Wolfey dug around in her pockets to find her missing bag of weed.

Ichibi and Akuto were chatting away like idiots, Karo slumped back, thanking that she had already been tested. Momo returned with clothes on, blushing like mad. She had jumped into the tequila bottle and downed half of it in one go. She sat down, but missed the spot and fell on her butt.

"I just pictured Kiki as an enemy, or well imagine her as one." Ichibi said. Akuto rolled her eyes and jabbed a finger in Karo's direction.

"These two are natural enemies, so there couldn't have been a problem there." She snorted.

Karo glared at Akuto. "And whaddabout you?" She asked.

"Meh, I panicked." Akuto shrugged. She then glanced at her palms. "My hands are cold though."

"I'll get the first aid kit!" Sakura squeaked, staring at the cuts on Akuto's palms in shock. She jumped up and ran inside. Apparently she saw something that Akuto and the others didn't notice.

Akiri stood up and glanced over to the group. "Only four more to go." Hannebel commented.

"Yeah. Hopefully there's nothing else that would 'pop' up." Akiri rolled her eyes.

"I would watch out for Wolfey." Hannebel warned. "She seems to have that same knack as what Momo had, but its different."

"What?" Akiri turned her gaze on the translucent specter. "Are there any more?" She questioned. Hannebel shook his head. Akiri pondered for a few moments. "So if you're senses are correct, we may have two shapeshifters."

"Exactly, which seems good concerning the war." Hannebel commented.

Akiri mulled it over in her mind. She'd have to explain to everyone what their abilities are. Shapeshifters are extremely strong, compared to demons, they are just partially stronger than that!

"Five minutes are up." Hannebel said. Akiri nodded and grabbed the swords from the ground.

"RIGHT! BREAK TIME'S UP! SEBASTIAN! GET YOUR ASS HERE!" Akiri barked.

Sebastian, on the other end, jumped as if he was shot by Sipho. His eyes bugged out of his head. Luna pushed him ahead, but his feet were practically cemented to the earth.

"IF I HAVE TO COME THERE AND FETCH YOU, YOU'RE NOT GOING OFF EASY!" Akiri shouted. Sebastian gulped and walked forward to his doom.

Akiri waited for him and watched panic spread across his face like fire. She handed him the sword and paused a few breaths before launching at Sebastian.

**Yeah... This is awesome!**

**Can you guess what Wolfey is? Can you guess what Sakura saw when she looked at Akuto's hands? Do you have any idea what all of them are?! Except the drunk pussy on the ground... **

**Review and tell me what you think! All will be revealed after they have been tested and a day has past, so probably in chapter 16! **

**:P, see everyone next time for more adrenalin!**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Over the top finish.

**A/N: Here's chapter 15 for ya! All peppered with no spelling mistakes! **

**So I decided to post it this morning just before I go to school!**

**Enjoy and review!**

_Training starts with a clang at castle Drackon. Akiri had summoned a spirit to help her judge the abilities of her normal friends. Ichibi, Karo, Akuto and Momo have already been tested and it seems that Momo reacted a little too soon. Hannebel warned Akiri that Wolfey might have the same knack as Momo. While everyone else watches from a distance, Akiri launches into various attacks to test speed, agility and possible power._

Sebastian braced himself, wide eyed as he was. He ducked when Akiri swung her arm high, nearly missing his hair by an inch!

Akiri took notice and hit him on his shoulder with the pummel of the sword, sending him dropping to the ground. Sebastian's head snapped up and he dodged Akiri's next swing by rolling to his feet.

He then lurched at her at an amazing speed, sword slicing upward. Akiri dodged by a second too soon and missed a possible scar across her chest. She skipped backwards. "NEXT!" She barked.

Sebastian lowered the sword and blinked at Akiri. "What?" He questioned, trying to understand why she bore no expression on her face as she glared at him.

"LUNA!" She barked again. Sebastian blinked stupidly and then handed the sword back to Akiri.

Luna gulped and stepped forward without even panicking. The sun hid behind some clouds, cooling the air slightly. Hannebel raised his ghostly eyebrow at this. He glanced at Akiri, who also seemed to notice the slight change in temperature. When Luna reached Akiri, she looked up at the tall girl and waited.

Akiri handed her the sword tentatively. Immediately as the sword touched Luna's hand, the whole thing vanished and reappeared next to Akiri, sticking out of the ground.

Eyes slightly widened, Akiri gaped at Luna for a few moments. She glanced at Hannebel, who nodded for her to continue. Akiri returned her gaze to Luna and launched out a slow attack.

Luna jumped back and blocked the possible blow, or tried to. But nothing hit her. Akiri froze. Luna opened her eyes and saw roots sprouted in front of her, protecting her.

Hannebel gasped. "Impossible!"

Akiri backed away, staring wide eyed at the roots that protected Luna from harm. "What the..." Luna gaped at the roots.

"NEXT!" Akiri barked. Luna jumped in surprise and the roots disappeared back into the ground. "UMBRA!" Akiri roared, removing the sword from the earth. She turned to Hannebel and waited for Luna to leave.

"Impossible." Hannebel repeated.

"What happened?" Akiri asked. "It seems as though some link snapped when Luna tried to block the blow, as if she summoned her own power to her." She snarled.

Hannebel looked equally shocked. "I heard it too."

"We can't keep a nature controller secret for long, Hannebel. Very soon demons would want to try and capture her." Akiri said, staring at Luna's back as she walked away.

Umbra stepped forward after being encouraged by the others who had already been and done. Momo sluggishly lolled left to right, an empty bottle of tequila next to her and a newly opened bottle of sherry in her hand. Akuto and Ichibi had started bickering for some reason and Karo munched on a biscuit. Komatsu had brought out a huge platter of food for everyone to enjoy, he then fell flat on the ground and passed out. Sebastian watched as Umbra made his way towards Akiri.

He jumped when a hand was placed on his shoulder, turning to find Dante grinning at him. He paled instantly. There was a tingle of something in the half demon's eyes that made him panic. _Lust_?

His attention focused back on Umbra when he heard a sharp clash of steel. Umbra seemed to be flying whilst parrying with Akiri, but his feet continuously touched the ground.

Dante continued to grin as he too watched the show, as if he was waiting for something to happen.

Akiri punched Umbra in his gut and sent him flying a few feet away. It soon became clear what Dante was waiting for as huge, black wings burst from Umbra's back. Dante's grin widened as he watched the young man. Umbra stood up and launched at Akiri at such a speed that he practically disappeared from view. Akiri grunted and flew backwards, in her place, Umbra stood.

"What the?" Sebastian stared wide eyed at Umbra. Everyone else either gasped or tried to cover their eyes.

Akiri shot up from where she landed and glared at Umbra. "WOLFEY!" She barked. Umbra took a step back, surprised that Akiri didn't continue the parrying. He screamed when the wings retracted back into his body and then he dropped to his knees, panting.

Dante patted Sebastian's shoulder for some reason and ran over to get Umbra out of the way. Hannebel glanced at Akiri. She was completely frustrated by the last attack. His heart went out to Wolfey, because all Akiri's frustration would be let out in one shot.

Wolfey gulped and removed her hands from her pockets, walking over to where Akiri stood, looking extremely pissed off. Akiri tossed her the other sword without a word and didn't even wait before lunging at Wolfey.

Reacting too slowly, Wolfey ducked to the side, but Akiri nicked her skin slightly. Wolfey could see murder burning in Akiri's eyes as the two glared at each other. In an instant, Wolfey snapped and lunged at Akiri, knocking whatever was a sword out of their hands.

Wolfey found she grew larger suddenly, just in that instant, and within seconds, she had almost ripped Akiri's throat out.

Momo, as drunk as she was, sobered instantly and stared in shock before running over to help Akiri. She lurched forward, transforming, and knocked the huge creature off of Akiri. They landed a few feet away, snarling at each other.

Wolfey, as unexpected or expected, had transformed into a huge wolf, exactly the same size as Momo. "Calm down, Wolfey." She snarled. Wolfey growled at her.

"And what if she killed everyone else?" She barked. Her tail swung low in warning. Momo's tail twitched, ready to attack.

Toriko jumped up and ran in between the two beasts, stopping their possible attack on each other. Kisame was at his heels, ready to help. Akiri sat up. "That's enough!" She barked, standing up. She then left the training ground and stormed inside the castle. Hannebel disappeared, probably to get the results or find something to reverse everything.

Wolfey calmed down and then stood glaring at Momo, who had also changed back to her human form.

Dante dragged Umbra to the side. "What the hell were you thinking?!" He questioned. Umbra glared at him. Dante sighed, rubbing his temple. "You weren't supposed to actually hit her."

"Well how the hell am I supposed to control the damned speed?" Umbra asked, throwing his hands up in the air. "I'm still new to this shit!"

"You two are like man and wife, chill the fuck out." Sebastian said as he walked by on his way into the castle. Umbra and Dante glared at his back.

"I have an idea..." Dante snarled.

"I'm listening..." Umbra replied.

Momo and Wolfey shook hands as a peace sign and then returned to the castle, laughing cheerfully. Sasuke dragged a protesting Ichibi inside, because she was scared of Akiri. Karo snorted and went inside, grabbing a glass of milk.

Everyone else slowly but surely reentered the castle, each either going off to shower, lounge around in the lounge, sit in the kitchen or go to sleep.

Hidan was still struggling to get out from under the heavy chandelier which had fallen on him when Itachi crashed down with it. Tobi tried to help him, but got punched in the face by Hidan and was told to piss the fuck off. Kisame sniggered and earned a glare from Hidan, promising a slow and painful death.

Sebastian hovered outside Akiri's room, listening to things shatter and crash against other things. Akuto paused and listened on her way to her room. She then went up another flight of stairs and found Sebastian staring wide eyed at the door. She sighed. "Come on, she's probably going to throw the tantrum for a few days." She dragged him away.

Wolfey, with her bong already downstairs, smoked some weed with Naruto. Momo was passed out on the couch after downing the entire bottle of sherry within a minute. Luna sat in the kitchen while Komatsu prepared dinner. Toriko and Coco chatted away with Kakashi in the kitchen. Sani was showering, singing a random song which sounded like complete gobbledygook.

Itachi was taking a nap in his and Kisame's room. (They had no other choice, because Akuto threatened to kill Kisame, Ichibi slammed her door shut in his face, Momo threw an empty bottle at his head, Luna shouted at him to piss off, Wolfey kicked his shin and Karo punched him in the face.) Sakura was stressing herself. She kept trying to figure out what the hell was happening to Akuto's hands. Ichibi relaxed on one of the couches, chatting the ears off of Sasuke.

Sipho relaxed in his little guard house with his feet on the table, still keeping an eye out for intruders and the works.

Tobi was dancing like a moron again, apparently trying to do ballet, but failing miserably. Kisame sniggered at his stupidity, wondering how the idiot would look doing the can-can.

Dante and Umbra sauntered in, both with grins plastered on their faces. Their grins disappeared when they heard a loud crash from upstairs. All heads turned up in wonder, worry and shock. Then they heard Akiri scream in frustration and another thing either breaking or falling. Sipho came running in, looking around like a moron. "Wat was gaskree!" He barked.

Karo sighed. "Sipho, die miesies het geskree. Sys kwaad." She said.

Sipho's mouth rounded in an 'o' and he nodded. "Solank daars nie die skelm nie, miesies." He turned around to leave, but tripped over his own feet and fell face first into the carpet, knocking out a tooth. His gun, having being pulled out of its holster, slammed to the floor and a loud bang was heard.

Soon after a groan and Ichibi limped forward.

"Oh great." Karo rolled her eyes. "Sipho, jou skewe poes!" She kicked the security guard. "Uit! Voordat miesies jou kom bliksem!"

Sipho panicked and ran outside, hiding himself in the guard house under the table.

Akiri didn't hear anything and was still throwing shit about. Akuto dragged Sebastian downstairs and froze when she saw everyone in a circle. She stormed through everyone. "What happened?" She asked, pushing through the small crowd.

Everyone stood around a rather dead Ichibi. "Forget it!" Sakura threw up her arms. "I'm not fixing that thing again!"

"Sipho?" Akuto questioned. Kisame nodded.

There was silence in the living room, except the occasional crash from upstairs as Akiri threw something.

"We can't just leave her here." Luna commented.

"We can't hide her either; Kiki would be suspicious." Karo said.

"Don't we have another way to get her back?" Wolfey asked, as high as something else.

"Sakura seems to be the only think that can help her.". Luna said.

"I already said that I'm not doing it!" Sakura cried.

"Well that plan's buggered." Akuto mumbled.

Ichibi groaned. Everyone jumped in surprise as she sat up. Wide eyes stared at the possible zombie. Ichibi then dropped dead. Itachi sighed in relief. "I thought we'd have to kill her again..."

"You're such a pissy." Kisame rolled his eyes and stared down at the dead-dead.

"Maybe we should write a note to Kiki and slip it under the door. Then bury this bitch." Karo stated.

"Sounds like a good idea." Everyone agreed, nodding in approval.

"No!" There was a ghostly voice and Hannebel appeared. "There is a way to get her back, but it'll only work once."

Komatsu shrieked in horror and fainted. Kakashi fainted just as well to kiss his beloved floor. "Wait... So you're saying we can bring her back?!" Akuto barked in surprise.

Hannebel seemed to nod. "But you'll need Akiri to help-" There was a loud shout from upstairs and then something smashing to pieces. "When she's done with that..."

Karo rolled her eyes. "Well this is stupid."

"Can't we make her convert to Jashinism so she can be immortal like Hidan?" Wolfey asked, jabbing her finger at said idiot.

Ichibi jumped up. "LIKE HELL!" She then crumpled to the floor again.

Akuto paled instantly, as did everyone else. Even Kisame looked as white as Hannebel. "Her soul is still in her body." Hannebel commented.

"No wonder she's still jumping up..." Itachi huffed, eyes wide.

"So when can we do that shit?" Karo asked, a drop of sweat falling from her forehead.

"When her soul has been taken to the spirit world." Hannebel said. "It doesn't look like that would be soon, so you guys better throw her somewhere where she can't be heard."

Akuto's eyes flicked to Hannebel. "Can't we just chase her soul away?"

Hannebel shook his head. "No can do. She needs to be in the spirit world."

"FUCKING RIGHT, BITCHES!" Ichibi barked, causing everyone to scream. Even Komatsu woke up to scream along.

After everyone calmed down, Hannebel yipped as if he had an idea. "We could always call Death!"

"Well, do that! Before someone dies of a heart attack!" Akuto barked.

"Right!" Hannebel dissapeared.

Karo stared around the place. "Well, we better get this place as clean as possible."

"Not before we take some photo's as evidence and investigate crime scene shitz." Wolfey grinned.

"You're nuts." Luna rolled her eyes.

All the while, Dante leaned in the door frame to the kitchen. "Just do something, before Akiri finds this and fires Sipho." He said.

"Wait, he shot her, so what's the problem?" Umbra asked.

"He didn't shoot her, that's the whole problem." Kisame rolled his eyes.

"He tripped and the gun fell. Again." Karo mused.

"Seems like Ronald McDonald should put his gun's safety switch on, or get the damned thing fixed." Akuto said laughing.

Then all went silent. Not even a thing crashed upstairs. "Oh fuck." Sebastian mumbled, shuffling out of sight of the stairs and behind Toriko.

Akiri's bedroom door burst open and there was slow and tortuous footsteps down the stairs.

**Ohhh... What will happen next? I get the feeling it will be bad...**

**What the hell am I talking about?! I'm the author!**

**Kisame: she's nuts...**

**Me: how the hell did you get out?! *stuffs Kisame into a box***

**Karo: can everyone just review? Because I want to go to sleep.**

**Me: haha, well I hope everyone enjoyed and be sure to review, it doesn't bite!**


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16: Pain with a lick of paint.

**A/N: Thanks to me having a super brainstorm, I have written three chapters in one day and am only, sadly, posting them when I feel like it. **

**Thanks for the reviews, especially from everyone and morial otaku!**

**Enjoy this chapter and review!**

_Ichibi, sadly, was shot again, which means that they would have to find some way to bring her back before the war, or hide the evidence. Luckily, Hannebel, the specter, suggested one method, but he'll have to summon Death to get Ichibi's soul away._

All eyes widened in horror as Akiri's footsteps drew ever closer to the ground floor. Karo grabbed onto Naruto, Wolfey stashed her bong away, Akuto dove behind Coco, Sakura dove behind Sasuke, Kisame dove behind the couch and Umbra dove into the kitchen!

Momo was still passed out, Kakashi was still kissing the floor, Komatsu's legs shook in terror. Hidan's eyes widened where he still lay, squashed beneath the chandelier, Itachi quivered in fear from head to toe.

Luna started praying mentally. Akiri's footsteps drew nearer, and slower. Akuto gulped.

Akiri's feet appeared at the top of the stairs. Dante backed into the kitchen slowly. Everyone swallowed hard and took a step back.

Ichibi lay in plain sight at their feet, as dead as a doormouse. Akiri walked down the stairs slowly, everyone watching her in shock and panic. Everyone paled instantly.

In her hand, clutched really tightly, was the murder weapon known as 'the bat'. Akiri's eyes swooped over their faces as she paused in the middle of the flight of stairs. Her eyes landed on Ichibi. Everyone gulped. Akiri didn't say anything as she sauntered down the stairs and scanned the room.

She then swung suddenly and knocked Hidan's head clean off his shoulders.

Eyes wide, everyone backed away. Akiri relaxed and flexed her shoulders. "That was good." She sighed.

No one let down their guard for a second. Hannebel appeared and looked as if he was going to dissapear again when he saw Hidan's headless body. Hidan's head lay outside, after soaring through the open window. Akiri turned her attention to Hannebel.

"So when are we starting?" She asked.

Hannebel cleared his throat. "As soon as Death arrives and takes her soul." He said. Akiri nodded and plopped down in a couch. She looked around the room.

"Well?" She barked. "Get this place cleaned up! Fix the chandelier, fix Hidan so I can kill him again and get that out to the training ground!" Akiri leaned back in the couch.

Everyone relaxed slightly, still wary of Akiri and her bat. They then quietly started cleaning the place. Akiri stood up and grabbed Sebastian. He yelped in horror and almost pissed himself. Akiri dragged him upstairs.

Akuto waved goodbye to Sebastian as a mock salute. Karo rolled her eyes at Akuto and helped Kisame, Itachi and Toriko carry the huge and heavy as hell chandelier out the front door. Hidan's headless body was moved to the corner where a desk and a chair stood. Sakura retrieved his head from outside and attempted to gag him with a sock so that she could stitch his head on.

Luna and Wolfey, with Akuto's guidance, carried Ichibi's corpse out of the living room while Coco, Komatsu and Tobi attempted to clear up the blood on the carpet. Umbra and Dante have returned to the lounge and helped clean the floor of any broken parts or anything. Naruto and Sasuke moved the furniture back to their original spots.

Meanwhile, Akiri had dragged Sebastian up to her room. Sebastian stepped into the room and gasped. The room was, miraculously, clean.

Yes!

CLEAN!

He gaped. Akiri motioned for him to sit on the chair while she combed her hair. "Err..." Sebastian tried to say something to lighten the silence once he sat down.

"You know why I dragged you here?" Akiri asked. Sebastian shook his head. "I dragged you here, because one, we have a problem, two, we have another problem and three, the walls need painting."

Stunned, Sebastian cocked his head to the side. "Whu?"

"You heard me. The painting comes afterwards, but first, we need to get that idiot back to life. That's problem one." Akiri finished brushing her hair and set the comb down on the nightstand. She then turned to face Sebastian. "The other problem, is that, thanks to Luna, we are now a target for demons."

Sebastian was confused. "What did Luna do?" He then remembered the roots. "Oh... But what's that got to do with her and demons?"

Akiri walked over to her closet. "She's a nature controller, or the proper term is Natur fe."

"What?!" Sebastian stood up, trying to make sense of the new word.

"Yes. Natur fe is a Norwegian word for Nature Fairy. A being who can command all of nature at will." Akiri pulled out what seemed to be a cape and a long dress. "Natur fe are scarce, basically extinct." She finished, throwing the clothing on her bed.

Sebastian sat down. "And what has that got to do with demons?" He questioned.

Akiri sighed and turned to face Sebastian. "Natur fe are very powerful, not yet as powerful as mages, but you get the point. The problem is, they have very poor defence and usually hide behind nature."

"Lemme guess, demons can find them?" Sebastian asked. Akiri nodded.

"We have to be able to protect her. They won't notice us yet, give or take a few days."

"Give or take?"

"After that it gets tricky. There will probably be evil creatures surrounding the castle, waiting for an opening." Akiri stood up. "Go tell everyone to hurry the fuck up." She ordered.

Sebastian stood up and left without a word, mulling over things in his mind. Why was she telling _him _these things?

_She's probably pissed off at Umbra..._ Sebastian nodded mutely at his mental statement and sauntered downstairs. "Oh my God! He lives!" Akuto barked.

"Kiki said to hurry up." Sebastian ignored the redhead. He then returned upstairs and waited at the door.

Akuto gaped. "She's nuts, right?!"

"What?" Kisame asked.

"We gotta get all this done! And quickly too!" Akuto barked, pointing at the minimum destruction in the lounge.

"She'll kick our asses if we don't." Wolfey mumbled.

"Seems we have no choice." Sakura sighed. "Let's get this done with." She snipped the thread and removed the sock from Hidan's mouth. Sakura moved over to where Komatsu and Coco were trying to scrub the carpet. She sighed again. "It won't come out, we'll need a new one."

All the while, everyone continued to try and tidy the place, or at least as much as what they can before Akiri comes down.

Hannebel appeared just as they finished. With him a black figure, which stank of decay and blood and which looked extremely thin. Akiri descended the stairs, Sebastian trailing behind her.

I wasn't the decaying corpse cloaked in black that caught everyone's attention, it was Akiri, dressed in a long, black, strapless, mermaid tail dress with a black cloak and a thick cloth, black, pointed hat. Jaws dropped slightly, some even clattered to the floor and rolled about.

Hannebel loomed near the corpse figure with the billowing black cloak that looked like black smoke. "Ah, Death." Akiri greeted, extending her hand to the figure.

A bone hand stuck out from the cloak and grasped Akiri's hand. "Akiri," Death said in a voice that sounded as if lead was dragged on garnet. "You look ravishing as ever." Death bowed his head and planted a toothy to bony kiss on Akiri's hand before releasing.

"Ichibi is this way." Akiri motioned for Death to follow her. Sebastian trailed behind her, apparently shocked to silence by the presence of Death himself. Everyone else didn't move an inch. Ichibi's body had been moved outside and lay on a blanket.

Death clicked his bony fingers and a scythe appeared. The blade itself whas ghostly blue, almost translucent. He dragged the tip through Ichibi's neck without a word.

No, her head didn't fall to the side at all. Instead, a ghost-like shape escaped. Death grabbed the thing and stuffed it in a black satin pouch, pulling it tight. He bowed at Akiri and then dissapeared with Hannebel.

Akiri then turned to the peering heads inside the kitchen. She reentered the castle and sat down on a couch. "Right, I want everyone in here. And wake Momo up, please." She ordered.

Momo woken, everyone seated, Akiri stood up from her seat and glanced at the faces of her friends and the anime people. Everyone kept silent as she paced up and down.

Umbra wanted to latch himself onto her, but he got the feeling that she would kill him if he even got close. "Firstly," Akiri started. "Ichibi is dead, and now we can bring her back, but it'll take some effort and I may require everyone's help." She glanced at Sasuke. "Secondly, thanks to Luna, in a few days or weeks, demons and evil creatures will be descending on the castle and try to capture her."

Gasps ecchoed all around, except Sebastian. Luna stared at Akiri in horror. "But why?" She asked. Akiri held up her hand.

"Thidly, we're going to have to paint the walls." She finished. "Now, getting to everything else."

Akiri turned to the clock. It indicated midnight. She closed her eyes and sighed. Everyone watched her.

"Karo, Wolfey, Akuto, Momo, Umbra, Luna and Sebastian." She turned to them. "Hannebel has given me the results, which I shall now tell you. Karo," Akiri's sister looked up, curious. "You have the ability to become a robotoid creature which is practically indestructible. A carbon cyborg."

Karo yipped in surprise and jumped up, unable to contain excitement. She ran around like a headless chicken, trying to get blood to flow to her brain so that she could think properly. Akiri smiled at her sister's stupid antics and waited for Karo to sit down.

"Akuto," Akiri's gaze rested on the redhead. "Thanks to Sakura noticing the slight problem with the cuts on your palms and reporting it to Hannebel, they couldn't have figured out the rest of the little puzzle." She paused. "You have the ability to set yourself ablaze and crystallize."

Akuto gasped in surprise. "So I'm like Ace?!" She barked.

Akiri nodded. "But not exactly. There's still the matter of crystalizing. Hannebel said that your skin would probably form scales."

"What?! So I'll be like a fire fishy or something?!" Akuto screamed.

"Almost. You're a crystal draconian." Akiri smiled.

"The fuck is that?" Toriko cocked his head to the side.

Akiri sighed. "A draconian is a humanoid dragon." She explained. "Meaning it walks and talks like a human but looks like a dragon."

"Is it edible?" Coco asked.

Momo rolled her eyes. "Dragons aren't meant to be eaten, moron." She chucked her empty sherry bottle at his head.

Akiri chuckled. "Momo and Wolfey." She glanced at them, continuing to pace about. "I take it you two already know what you are?"

Wolfey cocked her head to the side, thinking. Momo jumped up with the answer. "We're Were-people!" She barked.

Sebastian and Akiri facepalmed. "No, you moron." Akiri sighed. "You're shapeshifters."

"See, it was on the tip of mah tongue!" Wolfey cried.

Akiri's gaze turned to Umbra. "Hannebel didn't even say what you are, because even I know."

Umbra shied away from Akiri's piercing eyes. He stared down at the floor. Dante snorted. "So why won't you tell the rest of us, _Witch_?" He questioned.

Snarling, Akiri turned her gaze away from Umbra. "He's a dark angel." She growled.

"What?" Momo stared at Umbra. "You mean he's evil or something?"

Akiri shook her head. "He's fallen from grace, is what she means." Sebastian said, hiding a snigger behind a cough. No one noticed this.

"Oh..." Momo nodded in realization. "Okay, go on, Kiki."

"Sebastian is like me." Akiri stated. "A mage." She smiled sweetly. "You also have the ability to summon weapons, just like I do."

Blushing and scratching his head, Sebastian turned his gaze to the floor. Dante barked out in protest. "How the hell can you be sure?!"

"Ask the Mother, you fool." Akiri snarled. She then turned her gaze to Luna. "Luna," She sighed. Luna met Akiri's eyes. "The reason demons and evil creatures would be after you, is because you are a Natur fe."

Confused, Luna leaned forward. "A what?"

Akiri turned her gaze away. "A Nature Fairy." She sighed. "You're able to control nature at will, but..." She trailed off, glancing at Sebastian. "Natur fe are extinct, and any demon would do anything to get their grubby claws on one, just to be able to control nature themselves. Natur fe, like I explained to sebastian, have power just below the strength of mages, but they don't have protective magic."

"They hide themselves in nature." Sebastian added. "Demons can find them even through that."

Luna's eyes widened. "W-what?!"

"And that is why we need Ichibi as normal and alive as ever so that we have as much protection as we could need." Akiri concluded. She turned on her heel and sauntered out. "Come along, everyone, now." She ordered.

I swear, my oath to God, Sebastian is turning into Umbra. He was up first and zoomfed past everyone to Akiri's side. Umbra glared at his back as he too stood up and followed after them. Akuto jumped up. "Right! Let's go get Ichibi back to life!" She barked.

"Whoop de fucking doo..." Karo rolled her eyes, twirling her finger in the air. Everyone else got up from their seats and followed after Akiri. Kakashi was still passed out, kissing the floor, Sani was asleep in his room, Tobi was sent back because he's stupid and Hidan was incapable of moving, thanks to Sakura tying him up in the chair.

Once they got outside, Akiri ordered everyone to form a circle. "Why?" Akuto asked.

"We're going to go frankenstein on the bitch and zap her." Karo rolled her eyes. "The fuck do you think?!"

"Oh..." Akuto mulled over things in her mind.

"Let's begin." Akiri clapped her hands together.

**Hidan: I don't fucking like the fucking way my fucking head flies out of the fucking window.**

**Me: so what, whattaya want? A medal?**

**Akuto: I'm so kick-ass!**

**Karo: you're a moron.**

**Momo: where's my whiskey?**

**Me: oh no, not until after we've finished telling the story!**

**Kisame: that's what she told you last time *rolls eyes***

**Me: how the hell?! Get back in the freezer! Is it even plugged in?! *checks plugs* no it isn't! *stuffs Kisame in freezer, locks it, bolts it and then switches the freezer on* die fish-fry! Hey that rhymed!**

**Reviews please!**


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Quick without speech

**A/N: sorry for not updating lately, I've been really busy, so I couldn't think much.**

**My head was in a scrambled mess.**

**But here's chapter 17! All fresh for you! **

**Note: you'll get the title of the chapter when you read it...**

**Enjoy and review!**

On the earth, in a very unknown country called South-Africa, in a very special province called Gauteng, in a very gloomy city called Johannesburg about a whole shithouse of years ago, a huge castle stood in a very remote area. Its not there anymore because I made that up!

Ichibi, our poor dead-deadshit, lay on the lawn in the backyard of this castle, shot accidentally when Sipho, the security guard's gun fell.

Around our dead-deadshit, Luna, Momo, Akuto, Karo, Wolfey, Sebastian, Umbra, Dante, Akiri, 6 ninjas, three byshokuya and a cook stood. Akiri, the leader of this group, started chanting in an unintelligible language that only she, Dante and the spectre behind her understood. Ancient Elven.

Everyone else followed Akiri's movements, but some had to hold back sniggers as the ritual looked very similar to that of the Native American dance... The ninjas and the byshokuya didn't know this, which made them look as retarded as swamp frogs in the desert.

BUT! The strange dancing was not any, or related to Native American dances! Instead, the dance consisted of eight steps forward on the toes, three on the whole foot, whilst the arms move in a motion from left to right in a circle.

Almost immediately, a barely visible pillar started to form around the corpse of Ichibi. Each routine they completed made the pillar turn less invisible.

It took almost an hour for the pillar to become transparent. Sweat trickled down everyone's backs and foreheads. Akiri continued to chant in the strange elven language, making the whole ritual seem like some or other summoning of a speaker of the suns or something.

Thirty minutes later, Ichibi's body started to rise from the ground in a very slow motion. Akuto glanced at this from the corner of her eye and gulped. A finger of ice ran up and down her spine.

Suddenly, the pillar of light flashed brightly and changed colour. Akiri didn't stop dancing, so everyone else continued to dance to a tuneless song.

But nothing else happened. The pillar of light continued to change colour, Ichibi's body was somewhere in there, being recouperated.

Akiri suddenly stopped dancing and lowered her hands. "Everyone take a break." She called.

Sighs of relief erupted from all around. Everyone either went into the kitchen to get something to eat or drink, or they stayed outside. The pillar of light still remained.

Momo didn't risk touching a drop of alcohol, incase she tumbled over in the next routine. Dante and Umbra watched Sebastian contently from inside the kitchen, the wheels in their head turning. Sebastian stood near Akiri. Umbra suddenly had the urge to latch onto someone, but fought it off.

Luna sat next to Itachi, a little too close for comfort. The both of them watched the pillar of light while they each sipped a glass of water. Kisame, relieved that someone kept the nagging and hn-ing weasel from him, relaxed on the grass with his hands behind his head.

Naruto tried to bribe Komatsu into making rammen for him, but Komatsu refused with a shake of his head and pointed to the counter, meaning the blonde had to make his own damned rammen. Sakura stared at Sasuke as he stared at the pillar of light, well, almost everyone was watching the rainbow of colour that descended from the sky.

Akuto wondered if anyone else far away could see the spectacle. Karo stuffed her face with cookies, gulping down milk. She was extremely hungry, as was Wolfey, but instead of milk, Wolfey downed hot chocolate.

Kakashi checked on Tobi, to make sure he was fine, but found him sitting on the floor like a puppy, staring at Hidan, who was still fastened to the chair.

Toriko and Coco scarfed down as much as they could before returning to the strange dance. Almost all of their energy was drained. Everyone's energy to be exact.

Every person was exhausted.

Sani picked at his hair, deciding whether to tie it into a ponytail or leave it alone. His hair had been scattered and tangled, so he had to brush it before they continued.

After another hour, thanks to Akiri letting them relax that long, she called them together again and then started a very different dance, not the same as the first one.

Instead of eight steps on the toes, there were five, instead of three on the full foot, there were six skips, as if the ritual was supposed to be a merry dance. The hand motions were different too. Instead of swirling in a circle, the arms were held away from the hips as if they were all fairies.

This made Akuto giggle mentally.

But the ritual continued without any problems. Akiri spoke in a more intelligible language this time, a mix between Latin and French.

**Next chapter will reveal way more than you'd expect!**

**Review and chapter 18 will come soon!**


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18: Retelling of events

**A/N: Thank you all very much for the reviews, I appreciate it!**

**Now here's chapter 18 as promised.**

**Enjoy and review!**

**...Pause**

**...Pause**

**...Wait for it...**

**...Pause**

Okay, this isn't what I had expected.

Dammit!

I forgot... They made me write this part in my point of view...

Alright!

Its Ichibi here! The dead one!

I don't know what went through that red headed black idiot's head, but I was shot again...

Which sucked.

Well, instead of the white light instantly, I found myself unable to escape my body. Last time, I _did _see the white light and then some pompous fuck-face tells me its not my time and sends me back.

I still heard everyone else jabber about and shit, and when they mentioned stuff, I did jump up and shout stuff, but I couldn't see anything. My eyes refused to open.

I was dragged outside after that and then I felt something slice throught my neck. Then I felt myself floating off the ground and found myself staring down at my body.

Instantly, someone snatched me. It was a huge bony thing and it freaked me out. I was then thrown into some wierd thing.

All I remember after that is falling. Not rising, but falling.

Oh it was so horrible! I thought I were going to die again!

But I didn't.

Instead, I stopped a few inches off the ground and then fell flat. When I sat up, I found myself in a very dark and scary place.

I thought for sure it was hell, because it certainly didn't look anything like the other place with the fluffy clouds and stuff.

As I stood up, I heard the scuffle of feet behind me and turned. My jaw dropped. The ouke was way hawter than Sasuke himself. I felt blood rushing to my face, sure that I was going to faint.

"Hello." He said.

I couldn't keep myself from toppling backwards, but instead of passing out or getting a nosebleed, my head struck the floor and I grunted.

Rubbing my head, I sat up, staring in wonder at the man. He just laughed at me and held out a large hand. I stared at it for a moment before grasping it.

"Death said he'd brought a soul. That old codger was right." The man's jolly mood soured. "But he said you'd be going back soon." He stared at me for a few heartbeats. He then smiled at me. "Hades." He introduced himself, bowing low. When he returned upright, he waved his hand in an arc. "God of the Underworld."

I gawped at him. When I was younger, I had watched Hercules, the cartoon. But this Hades didn't have the fire head or even look like that other fuck. He was masculine, curly blonde hair hung past his shoulders with blood red eyes that reminded me of fire.

He was dressed in our modern attire back in the living world, instead of the godly attire that I would have imagined.

Hades noticed me gawping an chuckled merrily. He didn't seem like the cold-hearted, bastard god of the underworld that I had learnt about. "Come with me." He said and swirled around.

I trudged along behind him, running through many reasons why Hades didn't just leave me there. He could be taking me to a secret dark corner to eat my soul... Or he could be taking me to a prison... I imagined myself being chained to a wall and starving to death.

Shaking my head, I skipped to keep up with the god's large paces. Without thinking to keep my mouth shut, words rolled from my lips as if I had just seen something disgusting. "You're hawt..." I blubbered.

Hades burst into loud and atrocious laughter. He then looked down at me. "That's a first." He said, barking with laughter.

Confused, I stared at him, waiting for him to do something scary. How had he heard the blubber from my mouth? I could barely hear it!

He stopped siddenly, staring up. I stopped and glanced at what he was staring at. My jaw dropped.

In front of us stood a huge castle like building. "Wait!" I barked. "Wasn't I supposed to go to the ass-trill place or something?!"

"This is the _astral_ plane." Hades emphasised the word. "There are many different worlds." He grinned down at me. A playful glint sparked in his eyes like Akuto's did before she won a poker game. I backed up a step. Hades laughed at my nervousness and slung his arm around my waist.

WAIT!

WAIST?!

Me: can I please continue?

Akiri: you're blushing like mad... Did you like it? *grins*

Me: fuck off...

Momo: are you sure you're not overtelling?

Me: *shakes head* nope.

Akuto: daimn...

Ahem! As I was saying... waist.

I blushed bright red, or well, that's what I thought because my face heated instantly. Hades led me into the castle. I wasn't very keen on finding out what that little playful glint in his eyes were, because I was more in fear of what he could do to my little body than losing a poker game...

He turned us down a corridor, then another. We passed a whole bunch of people who nodded at me kindly as we passed, then glared at Hades. Did he owe them some money or something?

I gulped, wondering what kind of split and sickly twisted personality this god had. My thoughts dwelled to Akiri and her split personality. One second, she'd be calm and collected and the next a damn tornado would sweep through the house. She barely laughed... Was Hade's her counterpart? Her enemy? Her nemisis? Her soulmate? If he was... Then I'd better find some way to kill myself and go to heaven...

We stopped at an open room. I glanced around. Very fancy. A strange wood table stood in the middle of the room with lots of chairs around it. Countertops shone brightly with some strange mineral, because it seemed to be moving.

Around the place, people scurried about, working.

I realized it was the kitchen. My stomach growled when I caught the whiff of smoked beef.

Hades lifted his eyebrow at my nagging stomach, laughed and then sauntered forward. He grabbed the plate from one of the workers and sat me down at the table, the food in front of me.

I gulped. Was this going to turn out like Hansel and Gretel? I hoped not.

I took a tentative bite of the meat. Almost instantly the meat seemed to melt in my mouth. I lurched forward and stuffed my face full of this delicious meat. It wasn't beef, because it sure as hell didn't taste like that. Pork maybe? Chicken? Fish?

Meh, I didn't care as I scarfed down the whole plate. After I finished, I leaned back in my chair, patting my stomach. Hades had watched me the entire time.

Realizing how stupid I probably looked, I jumped up and thanked him for the food, blushing and walking off.

He grabbed my elbow and swung me around. "That way is the basement," he paused. "I don't think you'll want to lose the food you just ate." Hades smiled at me, guiding me out of the kitchen.

A sigh of relief rattled my head. If that way would make my stomach churn, then that was the prison, probably covered in shit and piss from other prisoners. It probably stank of vile things as well. I pushed the thought to the back of my mind and concentrated on the hand on my elbow.

His touch was soft, not as hard handed as I had thought to imagine. "Come on." He grinned. "You have to meet my brother." He then dragged me along with him. I could barely keep up.

Brother?

I never knew Hades had a brother. Was it Zeus? No, Zeus was one of Hades' enemies. Akiri had mentioned Zeus to be Hades' brother, but in Hercules, they are mortal enemies. I couldn't stick my finger on it.

Sighing, I let Hades drag me down several hallways more...

**Bleh!**

**Ichibi: you guys are really mean!**

**Me: well? Whaddaya expect? We don't know what happened in that place, so you have to tell it.**

**Momo: she's right, even though she is nuts.**

**Kisame: t-t-t-alk a-b-b-b-b-out-t-t-t-t nut-t-t-t-t-s-s-s-s...**

**Me: how the fuck did you get out this time?! *stares at the half frozen piece of sushi***

**Kisame: *points to Tobi***

**Me: *sneaks up on Tobi and stuffs him in the freezer, locking him up* bleh! *turns to Ichibi* guess what?!**

**Ichibi: oh god no...**

**Reviews please! And who do you think is Hades' other brother in this story?**


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19: So not expecting that!

**A/N: thanks to my very bright mind, I ended up drinking waay too much, so I couldn't write. Thank you stupid.**

**Anyway, enjoy this chapter and review!**

Thanks to mariXwic32 and Akiri being bitches, I have to finish telling the story of what happened in hell...

Shit...

Its Ichibi again!

I swear I'm going to kill them soon...

Akiri: you said what?!

Me: nevermind!

Ahem...

So last time, I was being dragged around the place. I couldn't figure out where the god was taking me, I couldn't even remember all the twists and turns!

This castle was nothing like Kiki's castle. I swear it was a maze of tunnels!

We suddenly stopped at a door. Hades grinned down at me before smashing the door off its hinges and barging into the room. It looked like a living room. On one of the couches sat another hawt as hell guy with black, spiky hair and tanned skin. That sure as hell didn't look like Zeus...

When the door crashed to the floor, the guy turned his head and stared in horror at the door. He jumped up and attacked Hades with the most vile language ever...

Me: I don't want to say what he said...

Akiri: I'll kill you if you don't.

Akuto: trust me, she aint lying, and she might as well just set up another storyline for you...

Me: god dammit...

"MY FUCKING DOOR, YOU FUCKING BROKE IT! YOU FUCKING, FUCKED UP, FUCKING PIECE OF FUCKING HORSE SHIT!"

Hades ignored the other guy's fury and pointed to me, grinning like mad. "Look what Death brought us!"

My eyes wide, I knew that I would be killed. The guy glanced at me for a few seconds before bursting into another fit of rage and shouting at Hades.

I looked for some way of escape, but found none, seeing as Hades still clutched my arm.

The swearing and cursing that the guy did reminded me of Hidan. I pondered for a few moments before my jaw dropped. "Oh my God... JASHIN?!" I screeched in horror.

Eyes turned to me.

"L-lemme GO!" I barked, trying to escape Hades' grasp.

"Ahem." The other guy who I supposed was Jashin jabbed a finger at me. "This is the dead one who died again, right?"

Hades nodded. I finally slipped free and tumbled away, landing on my butt a few feet away.

"That Sipho, seems Akiri wants to leave him as the security guard." Hades shook his head and turned to me. "Yes, this is Jashin."

I stared in horror at both of them. My soul was going to be eaten! I knew it! Hades brought me here to be eaten! Killed! I screamed.

"GYACK! GEMME OUTTA HERE!" I jumped up and ran around like a headless chicken, screaming my head off.

"She's very energetic." Jashin commented. As I ran around a second time, Jashin caught me. I screamed bloody murder and kicked around. I heard a grunt.

I must have kicked and connected. I stopped my screaming and looked at what I had kicked. Hades clutched his balls, but no pain showed on his face. "Ow." He said.

"Imagine if you had any!" Jashin roared in laughter. "Now get out, I need to fix my door!" He barked, shoving Hades out of the room.

What was wrong with this picture?

Oh I'll tell you what, yes I will!

I was still clutched in his arms is what!

Panicked, I felt a trickle of sweat roll down my face, was it a tear? I couldn't be sure.

I was set down and Jashin picked up the door, banging it back in place. But the door didn't stay there for long and fell down again. Frustrated, Jashin stormed off and returned with a toolbox.

Wait! They're gods! Why don't they just magic it back?!

I gawped at him as he fixed the door. When he finished, he stared at it for a few seconds, threw the toolbox in the corner and sat down on the couch again. I wondered if he had forgotten about me.

That turned out false as he turned to me. "Whatt're you doing there? Come over here!"

Panicked, I gulped and glanced around the room before moving very slowly towards the couch. Once I got there, an arm lashed out and I felt myself sitting next to the god.

"Now, seeing as you're here-" Jashin was interrupted when the door smashed to the ground. I stared wide eyed at the gaping hole. Hades stood in the doorway, grinning.

"I haven't finished my explanation to the girl yet and you chase me out." Hades shook his head.

"If you didn't smash my door down in the first place, I wouldn't have... BUT NOW AGAIN?!" Jashin stood up.

Hades ignored him. "Ichibi, this is my brother." He grinned. This guy seems to be smiling a lot.

"I was going to show her the map!" Jashin barked.

"NO! YOU WOULDN'T DARE!" Hades' expression changed instantly and he looked furious.

I shrunk low in my seat, hoping that I could dissapear. "Well? How else would you expect to get her to the launch pad?!" Jashin snapped.

"Launching pad?" I cocked by head to the side.

They seemed to ignore me. "I'll take her there!" Hades barked.

"No I will!" Jashin bellowed.

"I will!" Hades snapped.

"Erm, guys?" I tried to say something.

"I SAID I WILL!" Jashin roared.

"I SAID I WILL!" Hades barked.

Instantly, I had an idea. "OH MY GOD! ITS BEYONCE!" I cried.

They turned their heads around, searching for the imaginary pop star which wasn't there. They then stared at me. I gulped.

And then they both jumped at me. I screamed in surprise and horror. "MINE!" Hades barked.

"MINE!" Jashin bellowed.

"HELP!" I screamed.

Okay, after they decided to stop attacking me, the two gods agreed to both take me to the... Launch pad?

"We call it that here," Hades explained.

"Its the spot where a person's soul can depart from this place." Jashin added.

Nodding, I stood up and glanced around the place, looking for an escape. These two would probably rape me and kill me. My only exit was blocked by Hades.

I gulped again. "Oh dear! Look at the time!" Hades barked. Jashin grabbed me and then I was dragged out of the castle. I found myself, with my feet dragging at the earth, being dragged toward something that looked like a flat rock. "Okay, quick explanation." Hades plopped me down in the middle of the... Launch pad.

"Keep your hands and feet tucked tightly together at all times." Jashin began. "Close your eyes tightly, don't even peek, and lastly," his face looked grim. "Never, ever, ever, ever, ever breathe."

What! No breathing?!

I nodded slowly and then curled up in a ball and shut my eyes. "Okay! Everything set! Goodbye, dead one!" Hades barked.

I felt some sort of vibration under my butt. I took in a deep breath and suddenly felt myself shooting up and then falling really quickly.

**So, Ichibi awakens from the dead, but what happened in the normal world?!**

**Here's what happened.**

After dancing for some more hours without breaks, the pillar of light turned black and there was some or other flash.

Then everyone got blasted left right and center away from the pillar. Ninjas, magic users, byshokuya and the likes scattered north, south, east, west, in the bushes, on the roof, head buried in the ground and even crashed into the house!

Ichibi grunted, eyes still shut, curled into a ball. "Can I open my eyes yet?" She called.

**Haha, hope all of you'z enjoyed! Now review before I set something bad on you. And I don't mean Tobi.**


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20: Thrilling look into the future!

**A/N: SPOILER for you all! There will probably be four books! If not, then there will definitely be good shit!**

**Enjoy and review!**

Akiri, after jumping up, ran over to the newly reborn Ichibi. "You okay?" She asked.

Ichibi opened her eyes. "Y-yeah-" she was cut off when there was an unexpected flash. All eyes froze on the thing that appeared.

"S-soothsayer..." Akiri gawped at the old man.

He lifted his hand high. "There has been a vision!" He called.

Soon, everone was gathered in the living room, staring at a massive crystal ball. The soothsayer, introduced as Frank, scurried around the ball, chanting and looking stupid.

The ball flashed and images started to form...

Relaxing in the living room of the rather large castle as always, Akiri stuck her feet up on the brand new and tenth coffee table that was just recently bought. Everyone else was out to find something to chow and watch. Umbra was upstairs, what he was doing is unknown.

Just a week ago, the other anime characters were sent back to their world. Naruto was reluctant to leave and Kisame was begging Akiri if he could stay. The the war wasn't that huge, just a day or two of fighting and a whole three years of preparing for it.

Its a shame that Ichibi died, again, for the seventh time. They were out of options to bring the girl back and if she stayed dead long enough, she could become a shinigami.

"I die again?! How many times do I die?!" Ichibi cried.

"Shhh!" Frank grumbled.

Akiri sighed, relishing the sound of silence. After huge dunken parties with friends, anime characters, unicorns and fairies, mad experiments, fighting, training and avoiding being raped several times by several different anime dudes, Akiri really enjoyed being free of problems.

"I don't understand, whatta hell happened to her?!" Umbra barked, pointing at the image of Akiri.

"Shh!" Frank hissed.

Sighing again, Akiri stood up and went up to her room to shower. She opened her door, saw Umbra busy with his experiments in the corner, ignored and went to the bathroom. There, she stared at naked form in the mirror. Over her left eye was a scar, a tribal dragon tattoo on her right shoulder, a few scars here and there all over her body. Her eyes were different too. Not the usual dark brown that it always was. It was turning red. Her hair was longer too, and darker, almost black.

Back to her face again, four scars across her right cheek, one below the other. One of the scars barely touched the scar from her left eye. She had also gotten fit. Her arm and leg muscles were thicker. A light scar on her chest caught her eye just as she turned to turn the tap on. Akiri stared at it for a moment. It was a pentagram, carved into her chest just above her heart.

Umbra sighed and stood up, apparently unable to complete the concoction of strange potions that could bring Ichibi back to life again. "Kiki, I'm going to need some lavender and thyme to complete this." He called.

"Right." Akiri replied.

Akuto parked the subaru in the garage that they extended onto the castle. The garage was able to hold three cars and two bikes. Sebastian got out of the car and shut the door, carrying two bags of fast food. Next, everyone else followed. Momo, Akuto, Luna, Karo, Wolfey and Sebastian made their way through the garage, through the living room and to the kitchen. Sebastian set the bags down on the counter and sauntered upstairs.

Akiri turned the shower off and dressed herself. Clothed, hair combed, she stepped out of the bathroom and went downstairs. Wolfey popped into view. "Hey, Kiki, we're back!" She squeaked. Akiri smiled at Wolfey and then followed her to the kitchen.

Umbra was already seated at the table. He had grown off of the habit to stick to Akiri like a fly. Akiri stared at him for a few moments. Umbra's eyes were brighter, he was more masculine after all the training and the fighting.

As well, he wore brighter clothing, not just black. That day he wore a blue fishnet shirt, showing his sculpted chest and a few battle scars.

"What?! Is that... UMBRA?!" Sebastian bellowed, staring in disbelief at the crystal ball.

"SHH!" Frank hissed again, getting frustrated.

Akiri watched everyone else. They were as happy as ever. Everyone carried their own scars and training rewards. Akuto's red hair was cut short and spiky, Momo's hair was dyed dark purple and hung low on her waist, Luna had added a few darker blonde highlights to her hair, her hair cut shoulder length. Wolfey's eyes had turned green and she now sported a liking for pink as she added bright pink highlights to her purple and black hair. Karo's normal dark brown eyes had turned yellow and her hair hung to her waist, tied into a ponytail.

Sebastian was covered in scars from head to foot. He beat them though. His hair was still the same colour, his eyes were emerald green.

"So what did you guys get us to watch?" Akiri asked, smiling as she took a chip from the packet and bit off a piece.

Karo giggled. "Maleficent and," she giggled more.

"What?" Akiri raised her eyebrow.

"The Three Stooges." Wolfey giggled along.

Akiri grinned. "Not bad. We need a little slapstick humour around here."

"We've been having that for a while..." Momo sighed and glared at Akuto.

Luna rolled her eyes. "That's yous guys' problem." She mocked.

"Not to mention Luna and Karo's brawling about." Sebastian grinned. Luna glared at Sebastian.

"Enough." Akiri called. "After we're done eating, Umbra, what did you say you wanted?" She asked, turning to Umbra.

Umbra swallowed what food he had in his mouth. "Lavender and thyme." He replied before taking another bite of his burger.

"Right," Akiri turned to Akuto. "You have to go out and buy thyme and find some lavender."

"Why?" Akuto looked confused.

"Ichibi..." Momo, Karo and Akiri rolled their eyes.

"Oh that fuck." Akuto nodded.

Sebastian snorted. "I thought you 'loved' her." He sniggered.

Akuto glared at him. "Don't get me started on you and Dante, baka." Sebastian blushed.

Umbra rolled his eyes. "Anything else?" Akiri asked, glancing around the table.

A few moments of silence. "A storm is rolling in." Luna said, staring off again. Luna, of course, has the ability to sense weather changes and control nature at will.

Wolfey jumped up. "Fuck!" She ducked out of the kitchen. "The clothes!" She barked before dissapearing.

"It doesn't look like a normal storm." Luna added, looking confused.

Akiri turned her attention to Luna. "What do you mean?" She questioned.

Luna jumped up. "Its moving fast, and looking dangerous." She said.

"Dragons?" Momo asked.

"Can't be." Akuto responded. "The dragons are up north, they're not supposed to return till winter."

Momo nodded in understanding. Wolfey burst in, dripping wet, carrying clothes. "Fucking raining out there!" She cried.

"Tornado?" Akuto wondered.

Akiri shook her head. "There hasn't been any tornados in South Africa. Can't be a tsunami either because we're far from the coast."

Luna screamed and gripped her head. Akiri jumped up, ready to help. Everyone was on edge. "I-i-i..." Luna tried to speak.

"What?" Akiri questioned.

"ITS BLUE!" Luna howled in pain, still gripping her head.

"GET OUT OF THERE, LUNA!" Akiri shouted.

Akuto and Momo pinned Luna down when the nature controller didn't respond. Akiri pinched her eyes shut and slammed her fist down on Luna's back.

Luna huffed and passed out.

Everyone stared at her. "What the hell was that?" Sebastian questioned.

Akiri kept quiet as she turned around and walked over to the window. "Somethin's coming..." She trailed off. "Something that I think we're quite familiar with."

Karo's eyes widened and she jumped up. "You can't mean?!"

"Yes." Akiri sighed. "Prepare yourselves!"

The crystal ball died of images. "What the?!" Wolfey jumped up.

"Is that all?!" Momo cried.

Frank nodded. "The rest still has to be found." He said. The crystal ball dissapeared. "And I must leave." With a pop, the soothsayer dissapeared.

"We'll forget this soon enough." Akiri said, standing up. She turned to everyone else. "Let's get training!"

**And so, thanks to my brilliant imagination, chapter 20 is complete! **

**Have any of you readers noticed something from each chapter? Look at the titles closely!**

**Review and I'll be adding chapter 21 soon!**


End file.
